Beautifully Imperfect

While the furor over the latest MCYS commercial about the Indian lady giving an eulogy at her Chinese husband's funeral is still getting everyone all emotional, let me add my two cents worth to this interesting debate.

Yes it may be cliche and yes it probably was a rip off of the scene from Good Will Hunting, but it sure did leave me with a lump in my throat. (And did i detect a sniffle from the whereabouts of my man too?)

I guess it strikes a chord with couples who have been together for a long time, such that they know each other inside and out, and all their idiosyncrasies right down to a fault.

We know exactly what makes the other happy and what exactly gets the others' goat. And yet it isnt easy to always do the things that makes the other party happy.
Call it character differences, complacency, or simply Im-in-a-foul-mood-so-I-just-wanna-be-a-pain-in-your-a**, we get fuming mad with each other, have a cold war for half a day, yell, scream, cry, but ultimately forgive and forget.

That's what its all about right? People have written into the papers condemning the commercial, saying that it advocates settling for 2nd best in a life partner. I dont think they have grasped the essence of the clip. Nobody's perfect - so its really just up to you whether you want to celebrate the differences between you and your partner and work hard at your marriage or just take the coward's way out and not even try.

Hubby and I have known each other for 16 years and we have been together for 15 of them, so you can be sure we know each other like the back of our hands.

Ive seen pictures of him snogging other girls. He's seen my granny underpants. I know all about the oily, birds' nest, walking fashion disaster hairstyle he sported all those years ago. He knew how i looked like with my thick as a magnifying glass spectacles.

We thought we really knew each other. We thought we were safe. Yet many things have surfaced to surprise us once we were married. Let me list a few:


- He has an extremely short fuse. Yet i always find ways, both inadvertently and deliberately, to light it.


- He abhors ants in the house and takes it upon himself to eradicate every single one of them, to the extent of following their trails with a torch into the deepest, darkest and tiniest crack.

Me - I leave tiny food scraps on the counter, I bring food upstairs to eat in the room, I do a sloppy job cleaning up, I leave junk food packs unfastened properly.

He thinks I must have been an ant in my past life so Im encouraging their existence in our house now.

Its not that I dont care...its just...I dont know...Whats wrong with a few teeny weeny ants? They're harmless right?


- He is a neat freak, im fine with chaos. i can leave my clothes, books, knick knacks, accessories, in fact anything and everything in disarray and i think its alright. So....He usually picks up after me.


- When we got married, I suddenly became Wife: Finder of all Things. Whenever he cant locate a certain item, a string of frenetic "Where??"s escalating in volume and exasperation will come my way until i locate the blasted thing.
I hate it! How would I know where he put the measuring tape/screwdriver/cufflinks/ear digger/whatever! Im not psychic!

Even Terelle is following in her Daddy's footsteps, yelling a staccato succession of "Where"s whenever she cant find her toys.

My reply to both of them - "Use your eyes not your mouth!!"

- He falls asleep in seconds, so much so that I could still be running circles around the kids and he wouldnt (or couldnt) open half an eyelid, much less help.

Worse, sometimes i cant get to sleep and i so resent the serene, contented little snores emanating from his direction.

Yes we're both imperfect but we're still hanging on tight on this roller coaster ride called marriage. And that's what makes it fun right?

(Though i dont think he finds it very fun when he's up following an ant trail at 4am just cos i left the cornflake box half open yet again...haha)

I sing, she sings

Since she was a wee babe, ive been singing a special song to her. "Jesus Loves Me" will never fail to calm her down when she's tired and cranky, and is most certainly the lullaby of choice at bedtime.

Even now, most nights as she is lying in bed smelling her beloved blankie, she will implore either of us to sing it. And if Daddy doesnt do a good job of singing, because he is in the midst of falling asleep himself, she will order me to redo it, properly.

And yes, Baby Bone has come to adopt it as his calming song too. Whenever he is irritable n restless, ill cradle and nurse him and sing this song, and he will stop fidgeting and slowly drift off to sleep.

Lately, Terelle is very taken by a particular song she heard on a childrens' cd. She keeps singing it over and over again, never seeming to get sick of it. It goes like this:

I picked the reddest apple from the tree
It was the finest one that I could see
I saved it all except a bite or two
Just for you

I carried home the groceries from the store
I wanted to be helpful with the chores
I put them all away except a few
Just for you

Someday ill be grownup too
And if i can ill grow up just like you

I ate up all my lunch just like you said
But i think there was a little too much bread
And so i left the crust when i was through
Just for you

Someday ill be grown up too
And if i can ill grow up just like you

Just one more thing before i go to bed
When everything i have to say is said
There's something special that i wanna do
Here's a kiss
Just for you

The first time she managed to memorise all the verses, she said,"Mummy, this song is for you." And some nights as we are lying in the dark, she will sing it to me, in her sweet little soprano voice.

I dont think she fully understands the emotional nuances of this song but i'd like to think she means every single word of it, and it warms my heart.

Baby, when im old and grey and my memory is failing me, sing this song again to mummy and let me remember how we used to sing each other to sleep ok?

The good man I married

Chanced upon this questionnaire so thought i'd put my hubby under the spotlight for once!


1. What is something your husband always says to you?

"Oei make sure there are no ants in my study/kitchen/living room ah!"


2. What makes your husband happy?

Sorry; this blog is public!

Hahaha...just kidding...he is happiest when the kids and I are happy, and he does his best to keep us that way (he plays silly games with them, brings us all out on lengthy family outings even though he was up the whole night watching soccer, bites his tongue in front of my mum.... )

Or when there are no ants in the house. Hahaha...



3. What makes your husband sad?

I have yet to really see him sad, even when I asked him this question, he couldnt answer. Perhaps he feels sad when his dad doesnt understand him. Right, mops?


4. How old is your husband?

He is young at heart and that's good enough for me!


5. What was your husband like in high school?

Irritating boy always trying to act cool, with a cap perpetually faced backwards and a backpack that was slung so low it reached his butt. Dont know what I saw in him then...haha...
He was deeply tanned, had a flat top cut and a much much smaller waistline...hmmm...maybe that caught my eye...


6. How tall is your husband?

173cm


7. What is your husband's favorite thing to do?

Channel surf all the sports channels


8. What does your hubby do when you're not around?

Channel surf all the sports channels while keeping half an eye on the kids


9. If your husband becomes famous, what will it be for?

Standing up for someone/saving someone's life/taking down a terrorist - he's brave and righteous like that
OR beating someone up cos he got on his nerves/poking his nose where it shouldnt be/being a road bully - he's got a real short fuse and is a gossipy aunty at heart.

Wait...did you say famous or infamous?


10. What is your husband really good at?

Making me laugh and being a dad.


11. What is your husband not really good at?

Being patient. Read point 9 - extremely short fuse


12. What does your husband do for a job?

He sells ultrasound machine parts.


13. What is your husband's favorite food?

Durians and Dai Look Mee (from KL). He can eat truckloads!


14. What makes you proud of your husband?

He is good at his job. I am always appreciative and thank God that because of him, I am able to stay home with my kids. And he is also the best hands-on dad that my kids could ever ask for.


15. If your husband were a cartoon character, who would he be?

Errrr...Kung Fu Panda? Cos I overheard Terelle telling her grandpa, "Kung Fu Panda is so fat, just like my Daddy!"
Hahaha...

New Look

In line with the revamp over at the kids' blog, I decided to give my blog a makeover too. And since I lurrrve all things retro, it was a cinch choosing the look and feel of my new space.

So there you are, my faithful readers, the all new "Motherhood is not for Wimps"! Enjoy!

Memories

It just occured to me that when she is older, Terelle will probably not remember much of the past 4 years of her life and neither will Thane. And I havent been really conscientious about keeping all these memories for them.

So...ive decided to be more meticulous in storing all these memories. Memories that meant something to me, and hopefully did mean something to them.

There we were, taking a rare bus ride to school. Why rare u ask? Because it has become the norm that hubby leaves the car with me and i ferry Terelle to school every day. Just so happened that he sent the car in for a thorough wash today and we had to find our own way to school.

But boy was it a treat for her!

Look we're so high up Mummy! Look at this tree Mummy! Wah i can see a doggie! Eek why are there so many dirty black things on the bus stop's roof? Wah that man has so little hair! Mummy look at that bright blue motorcycle! Mummy this is so fun!

Funny how a simple bus ride can transform everyday objects into fascinating subjects of conversation. She is totally blase when she is sitting in the car everyday, either silently staring out of the window or when she is in a more upbeat mood, singing along to her favourite songs.

I want to remember this particular day, because i know i will forget, she will forget. I want to remember how we made up silly stories about the people going on about their everyday lives, how we sang funny made up songs and how we posed for goofy photos. I want to remember how a 30min bus ride became magical through a 4yo's eyes.

As a SAHM, there are days when i really wish i could throw in the towel and leave them behind to go to work, cos work will offer definite respite from the mindless "admininstrative" things i have to go through everyday - bathing, feeding, changing, dealing with whines and tantrums, discipline, putting them to sleep, ferrying them around...the list goes on.

But today, just today, i want to remember the precious, happy moments that i got to spend with my Terelle, cos i was looking after her full time.

My CV

Hubby was updating his CV recently and that got me thinking. If I were to have a CV, perhaps this is what it would look like.

Personal skills and qualities

- Efficient multitasker

(I can change a diaper while feeding another child, all the while keeping an eye on lunch on the stove, draw up a lesson plan for tuition and a grocery list and draft out a new writing assignment in my head)

- Excellent time management

(I can have lunch, feed the baby and pat him to sleep, rush off for tuition, buy a week's worth of groceries, go to the library to return and borrow books, then come home and edit an article all within the span of 3 hours)

- Exceptional driving skills

(Honed from ferrying the kids all over the island for school, outings, enrichment classes, having to negotiate the tightest spaces in ancient shopping centres and jostling for parking space with other frenzied mums. Hubby says i can drive like a man, and coming from him, that is the highest praise indeedm cos he is a fervent lady driver hater.)

- Inexhaustible energy

( On worst case scenario days, i can function with just 2 hours of sleep, when the baby wakes 5 times a night, and i have to keep sponging an older child who's running a temperature. No help cos hubby's away. Most days i function with 5 hours of broken sleep)

- Dogged determination

(See post on nursing strike)

- Effective communicator

(I can talk down a wailing preschooler with the most creative promises in record time. I can convince hubby that i didnt scratch the front bumper of the car while it was in my possession.)

- Brilliant team player

(I have to manage the expectations of the kids, their teachers, my parents, my hubby, the helper, the inlaws, my students, their parents...the list goes on)

- Outstanding PR skills

( I am friends with almost everyone in the neighborhood, from the toilet aunty in my daughter's school, so that she will look after her when she visits the toilet cos she doesnt really do a good job wiping up after doing her big business, to the old Ah Lian hairdresser at the salon - so she can give me a cut and color in record time at a rock bottom price, to the bak chor mee uncle who will give me an xtra helping of mushrooms.

- Ability to speak multiple languages

( I speak a smattering of Cantonese, Hokkein, Teochew and even smaller bits of Malay together with English, Mandarin and French. But it is enough to endear me to most people. Maybe they find me amusing...haha)

So any potential employers who would like to hire me? I can start immediately!

Mummy Im Scared...

Me: Good nite baby!
T: Good nite Mummy!
Me: See you tomorrow!
T: See you tomorrow Mummy!
Me: I Love you baby!
T: I love you Mummy!

(Silence for awhile)

T: Mummy im going to face the other side. If you're scared when you're sleeping, just call me then ill face you ok?

Me: (almost falling off the bed in laughter) ok!

Im amused because she is totally afraid of the dark. If she is half asleeep and i sneak off, 2 minutes later ill hear her plaintive bleating emanating down the stairs. If I hold off any longer going up to her, she will come running helter-skelter down the stairs as if there is a monster in her wake.

And yes, she is sleeping with us once again in our room. Her in the baby's cot (?!) and baby in between us. No amount of cajoling/promised treats/pretty princessy bedsheets/threats can make her go back to her own room. 3 rooms upstairs and all 4 of us squished in the master bedroom...sigh....

I used to get all worked up and angry with her whenever she started yelling for us and we have to lie beside her and play dead for a good half an hour till she falls asleep. Until hubby gently pointed out that maybe she has a good reason for being scared and that we should never doubt what goes on in her mind, did i then relent and willingly "sentence" myself to lying in the dark beside her every night, silently willing her to quickly fall asleep. (At least now its better, she lets me surf the net beside her so im not bored to tears..)

I guess ill just have to wait till Baby Bone is old enough to sleep in his own bed then ill shove them both out of our room and back to their own room across the landing!