Strike Day 2

11pm: True enough, when it came to bedtime and Thane needed to nurse to sleep again, he started his hysterical screaming. Tried to get him to latch again but he wailed even louder. After rocking, bouncing, cradling, singing, walking around he finally slept, shuddering every few minutes, the after effects of his frenzied crying session.


2am: He wakes up crying again. I warm up a small container of expressed breast milk and painstakingly feed it to him by spoon, all the while carrying him with the other hand. He laps a few spoonfuls up eagerly only to start crying and struggling again. I doggedly continue to feed him every single drop, despite his apparent misery every few minutes.


315am: He falls asleep after crying his heart out again. My dad actually suggests that i bring him to the pd tomorrow to ask if it is time to wean. I almost explode with fury and exasperation.


5am: Same thing happens. Cry, warm milk, feed with one hand with him protesting between spoonfuls. I keep sms-ing hubby for encouragement. He replies and tries to keep my spirits up, despite it being 5am too over in Shanghai.
Hubby says he has a phobia of travelling now, cos everytime he travels, something will go wrong at home. Its always the kids who suffer!! Once when he travelled, Terelle landed in hospital and now this?! How i wish it were me who was aflicted with all these suffering...why does it have to be the kids??


6am: Thane falls asleep and i gratefully sink into bed.


830am: I wake up and groggily stagger out of bed only to realise my parents have taken Thane out for breakfast. Thankful, i go back to sleep with Terelle who miraculously, has slept through the entire din the night before.


10am: Thane returns asleep in my helper's arms. She puts him down in his cot and he wakes barely 15min later crying miserably again. No luck with latching again, we try to feed him some milk in a bottle. He tries to bat it away in despair, crying and gagging at the same time. Takes almost 30min to finish just 100ml of milk.
I am worried as most of the time his diapers are barely filled when they used to be so full they would leak from time to time. Is he dehydrated??


12 noon: Supposed to bring Terelle to a good friend's son's party but am so tired i cant bring myself to dress up, drag myself out and handle her outside. i knew i would be worried about Thane at home too, so decided to skip the party.


Afternoon passes by in the same manner, the only thought that kept me going was that hubby would be returning that night. I needed him to be around, to tell me that it was not my fault and that everything would be alright again. And with him around, if i needed to cry i could cry in peace. I did not need to keep up with appearances as i did with my parents around.


Headed off to the airport to fetch hubby in the evening. Thane started fussing after dinner. Tried to nurse him in the car, but to no avail. He used to love nursing in the car, the rocking motion slowly easing him to sleep. My heart twisted at the memory.


1130pm: The entire household is asleep. Thane wakes and cries inconsolably. Hubby has his first taste of the mayhem. I break down and sob my heart out as he tries to carry Thane and calm him down. Finally succeeds after about an hour.

Hubby repeatedly tells me that i couldnt have forseen that Thane would have such a reaction after the flicking incident and that i should look ahead and not dwell on the past. But i cant..i just cant...everytime i see how miserable he is, i feel like beating myself up.


3am: Thane wakes and we both scramble to feed him a bowl of milk again. Same reaction, feed cry feed cry....cry until spent, fall asleep wimpering. By now my heart is in a million pieces.