Strike Day 1

1130pm: Trying to nurse Thane to sleep as usual. Brought the kids out on a cable car ride to Sentosa and then to watch the "Song of the Sea" today so am particularly bushed. Hoping that he would fall asleep quickly so that i can crash too, and not looking forward to him getting up at least 3 times to nurse during the nite again.


1138pm: Thane bites me hard and i flick his mouth, chiding him at the same time. He furrows his brow, gives me a bewildered and hurt look, arches his back away from me and starts to howl. I quickly carry him out of the room for fear of waking Terelle up. (On hindsight, shouldnt have bothered...she can sleep through an earthquake)


1230am: He is still crying and screaming. My mum tries to pacify him and it works for a few minutes. I keep trying to offer the breast and he does turn his face towards it. Then he seems to remember that he was flicked and turns away yelling with renewed fervour.


145am: He is still crying and wimpering pitifully. I sms hubby who is away and tell him how desperate i am. Hubby is awoken from his sleep and dismisses me as he thinks it is not a serious issue. But i am scared and desperate cos deep down i know that something is not right. The worm has turned and i dont think that anything i do will make it turn back.


215am: He has finally cried himself to sleep. Exhausted i climb into bed beside him and fall into a fitful sleep.


330am: He is up and wailing again! I offer the breast again and the same thing happens. He turns towards it then remembers how i hurt him and turns away crying woefully. My heart breaks...

All this while my mum is grumbling that i am making her precious grandson suffer and that it is not good for babies to cry so much and that he will get a fever and fits the next day and keeps suggesting that i give him formula as she is convinced that he is hungry.
I tell her that i think he is on a nursing strike and she scoffs at my resolve to breastfeed, claiming that my sister and i are both fine and dandy now and we were both not breastfed.
I am utterly frustrated and try to shut out all her unwanted advice.


445am: He cried until he was exhausted and has fallen asleep. I am exhausted too and miserable. Why is he rejecting me? I feel that it is my fault for flicking him.


620am: He wakes and i jump at the chance to offer him the breast. He takes it!! I am overjoyed, thinking that everything has gone back to normal. I do not dare move and we both fall asleep, me upright and him cradled in my arms.


830am: Thane wakes as per normal and my mum and helper take him outside to play with him while i get some extra shut eye.


1030am: I wake and my helper tells me she thinks he's hungry and sleepy at the same time. I fumble with my bra's nursing clasp and try to undo it quickly. Alas it is not quick enough for my impatient boy and he starts to howl in anger and twists out of my arms again. When i finally get it undone he refuses to latch again. He screams and cries for a good hour before falling into an exhausted stupor again.


The next couple of hours are a blur of intermittent crying, offering the breast, his refusal and pushing me away, more crying, then falling asleep only to wake in a short while and repeating the whole process.


By nightfall i am totally spent and utterly miserable. I havent had a bite of lunch and have no appetite for dinner. However my parents are around and i make a half hearted attempt at dragging myself downstairs for some food. I bring Thane along as i cant bear to leave him at home with my helper.


745pm: My parents and Terelle are tucking into a sumptous bak kut teh dinner while i stare at my food with Thane sitting in my lap. He is looking around impassively, totally unlike my busybody little boy just a couple of days ago. Every few minutes he will cry out and bury his face into my neck. My dad quickly finishes his dinner and carries him away to look at some children racing cars nearby, in a bid to cheer him up. I half heartedly swallow a few morsels of food.


After all the bedtime routines for both kids, my heart sinks further. I knew that it was going to be another long night.
I was right, the night was longer that it has ever been.