Thane has landed

I have done it again, had an epidural-less labor not by choice (again), but because my doctor is pro all things natural. So how did it go this time?

7th december

Still 2 weeks to the expected delivery date. Was feeling tired and achey all over after yet another sleepless night, and wondering when he will actually pop.

12noon: Terelle went off to school with Yiling and Kirsten

1230pm: Had a meeting at home with my editor, promised him to do some work during my confinement month. On hindsight now, i was really thinking too highly of myself. I didnt even have time to sleep, let alone write!!

2pm: Drove to Woodlands to meet hubby for lunch and wait for Terelle to finish school

3pm: Tucking into my burger and msg laden shaker fries and joking with friends over sms that i hope today would be the day cos its a nice date - 071207! Coincidently Terelle was born on 050405

330pm: Picked Terelle up and headed over to gynae's clinic for a checkup

430pm: Gynae did an internal exam and commented in all seriousness that i was already 2 cm dilated and that he had just hastened my labor by bruising my cervix and hence triggering contractions; adding, in the same breath that he didnt mean to do so. Ahhhhhh!!! Its time!!!??

5pm: Strapped to the ctg machine to monitor contractions, continued sms-ing friends

530pm: Back in waiting room where a first time mum seated next to me commented on my apparent "cool" demeanor, when i was about to deliver anytime. Hell, i was freaking out inside! BUT to keep my pride intact, i continued to smile through her praises.

545pm: Doctor took one look at the ctg readings and proclaimed that i would be delivering by midnite tonight. Whoa...sweaty palms, clammy forehead...i feel faint already...

630pm: Headed home to do some last minute packing and take a shower, doctor told us to check into the hospital by 8pm

7pm: Hubby leisurely made a bowl of noodles to eat and kept offering me some. (Note: 2nd time round, not at all flustered)
I had absolutely no appetite, all i could think of was that a watermelon would be bursting out of me in less than 5 hours time.

730pm: Contractions started, as with Terelle, i labored with my back, feeling like i was being sliced into two each time the contractions hit

8pm: Had a CLASSIC BIRTH MOMENT in the car and as usual it had to do with hubby. I was groaning in pain in the backseat and urging him to drive faster to the hospital. "Im in pain!!" i yelled. The good man just had to choose that exact moment to ask "Errr what kind of pain ah?" DUH!!

Pain means pain!!! U mean there are different kinds??!!

2 years ago, hubby had an equally classic birth moment. While i was in the throes of pain at the height of my labor with Terelle, i requested that he massage my back to relieve some of the pain. After 5minutes of frantic rubbing, he plaintively bleated that his hand was painful. Hello? reality check? Who is the one in more pain???

But i digress...

830pm: Finally made it to the hospital without me killing him along the way. Handed Terelle over to my parents and sister and hobbled into the delivery wards

9pm: All prepped and waiting for the pain to intensify. At this moment the nurse came in, took my temperature and commented that i was running a fever. Shucks! Must be because of Terelle's flu bug! Had to have a plug inserted into my vein and antibiotics pumped into me to protect the baby. Ouch...i hate the plug! Whenever you forget and accidentally brush your hand against something, it yanks at your vein, causing pain in yet another part of my body which i really dont need right now.

Nurse did an internal exam: 4cm dilated

930pm: Nurse checked again, still 4cm. Made a call to the doctor who arrived in a couple of minutes. Doctor tried to distract me by talking to me while he did an internal check again. I didnt realise he was actually breaking my waterbag! To my surprise, there was a loud pop sound after which the clear fluid flowed steadily out. Ashen faced from the pain i turned to hubby for comfort. He was equally ashen faced and blabbering "He inserted a hook inside...a HOOK!!"

okay...no comfort from there...

945pm: Contractions fast and furious now. Sucked on the gas like there was no tomorrow, all the while trying to remember nors' advice at the back of my pain muddled brain. (Thanks dear!) I held on so tightly to the gas mask that at one point i actually yanked it off the wall, and was wondering why the gas wasnt working as well as it should. Why the hell wasnt i drifting off into that out-of-body trance?

10pm: Nurse came and did another check, just 5cm dilated. What??! Things dont seem to be moving along fast enough. She offered a pethidine jab to relieve more of the pain so that i would be more relaxed and hence make labor progress faster. Yes yes whatever! Just gimme something for the pain!!

1020pm: High on the gas, with each contraction i was mumbling "no more no more, this is the last one", to the amusement of the nurse assisting me. Coincidently, she was the same one who helped while i was laboring with Terelle!

As the urge to push intensified, i heard the nurse start to page for good ol doc. She kept telling me not to push and that, i felt was worse than the actual contractions. Imagine the feeling of trying to hold in a huge bowel?? one word - DISTRESSING!

Within minutes my savior was here, strapping on his boots and rubber suit with a flourish. He cheerfully declared, "ok you can push now!" what sweet words to my ears!

In the most unglamorous position yet again; feet propped up in stirrups, spread wide apart, i remember looking at my toenails and thinking irrelevantly: my pedicure looks nice! Good thing i had it done just a week ago!

But then the pain sweeps over me again, the gas mask is yanked from my lifeless hands and i am urged by 3 disembodied voices to PUSH!

i bear down hard, nothing happens.

Deep breath, bear down again. Was that a distinct snip i heard down south? i dun want to think about it.

Push! Hard. Why is it taking so long? This is even harder than Terelle's birth!!

By the 4th or 5th push i hazily remember screaming to the doctor to "just suck the baby out of me pleeeeeeeease!!"

Doctor obliges by setting up the vacuum and one push later, my son emerges in a wet rush.

I am exhausted and lay back against the pillows and refuse to move another muscle even as my squirming, piping hot baby is laid on my chest. Vagely i remember the doctor exclaiming," Whoa this little guy is big! Much bigger than what we scanned at the clinic!"

Of cos he is big, i bet it is a war zone down south.

Thankfully doc proclaimed that because he made a small snip, the wound was clean and i would heal marvelously.

Only after the effects of the gas had worn off was i able to admire my son. My son! My chubby little bub! Coolly messaging friends and relatives to inform them of his arrival, i was oblivious while doc stitched me up. While most would cringe at the thought of a needle pricking at your most sensitive regions, let me reassure you that absolutely no pain can compare to the pain of a drug free (well almost) labor.

And while doc was at his gory task, another classic birth moment happened. A moment which i will forever regale my frens with. Doc suddenly sneezed straight at me while he was doing his stitching. If that wasnt horrifyingly icky enough, he actually used his sleeve (bloody, mind you) to wipe his nose!

Gosh, can u ever be that blase about childbirth??!!

Me and my chubby bubby! Finally!

From only child to big sister...

My poor baby is trying to cope with the arrival of her new baby brother soon. She has been displaying bizzare behavior which sometimes leave us really frustrated and at our wits' end.

1) Attention seeking

And how does she do it? By being really naughty what else?

She spits out her milk while drinking halfway and laughs when we scold her.

She runs away and lies face down on the bed when it is time to brush her teeth.

She insists on calling the maid by name instead of "aunty" and smacks her when she tries to pick her up.

She refuses to go to bed, insisting on watching cartoon after cartoon.

She is simply defiant and refuses to obey our orders and will deliberately turn on the waterworks when she doesnt get her way.

And she used to be my sweet and obedient little girl....boohoo....

2) Nightmares

She woke up crying a couple of nights ago and saying "Mummy dont want me anymore!" That really broke my heart...and it is not as though i havent been trying to reassure her that i will still love her v v much even with the arrival of the new baby.

3) Behaviour in school

Her teachers tell me that she used to be very chatty and outspoken in class but recently she has become quiet and withdrawn. Sometimes she will be very affectionate with them too, as if she needs their reassurance that at least they will still be there for her.

She has been toilet trained since she was 2 yrs old, but lately she has been wetting and even soiling herself in school. Her teachers reassure me that this is normal and that she will get past this phase soon after she gets used to the baby. But her forlorn and guilty look as she clutches her soiled clothes yet again when i pick her up from school makes my heart go out to her and wish i could do something to help ease her through this trying period.

I get upset when i see her like this, perhaps the arrival of her sibling is really a huge emotional obstacle that she is finding hard to deal with right now. I want to see my little girl happy and bubbly and normal in school again...


4) Being clingy and needy

I havent been carrying her at all since around the 4th or 5th month of this pregnancy and recently i just carried her for a short while from the dining table to her bed. She clung on to me for dear life and said "Mummy dun let me go okie? I want Mummy to carry me like last time." To which i had to reply "Mummy cant carry you now because Mummy's tummy will be painful. Just be patient, in a short while Mummy's tummy will become flat then Mummy can carry u everyday just like before ok?" And my perceptive daughter could actually say "okie then Daddy will carry Baby Bone and Mummy carry me all right?"

Heartwrenching.....arrrrgh....let's hope things will soon go back to the way they were

My pregnant pauses

Not everyone loves being pregnant. Those who say they do are either sadists or liars.
I for one, am one of those who absolutely ABHOR being pregnant. Period.
I am almost at the finishing line with my 2nd (and last!!) pregnancy and i must say i am glad my ordeal is almost over. Here are some of the irritations, ranging from minor discomforts to excruciating pain, that i had to deal with for the whole 18 months of both pregnancies.

1) Morning sickness

Whoever coined the term "morning sickness" is a liar. He probably meant well, in a bid to encourage pregnant mothers that they would only have to bear with being green in the morning. I would have preferred if they gave me the hard facts and named it "whole day sickness". Thankfully for my 1st pregnancy i didnt suffer much, only retching occasionally at strong smells and it abated on the dot right after the 3rd month.
However, with my current pregnancy, every single thing made me feel sick as a dog; food, any smell, toothpaste, even plain water!! And it lasted all day right till the 5mth month! It is no wonder that i gained a whopping 18kg for my first and only 10kg for my 2nd.

2) Cravings

My daughter made me crave for sweet desserts and chocolates, so much so that i developed gestational diabetes towards the end of my 1st pregnancy and had to go on a low carbo salad diet for the last few weeks. My son made me crave hot and spicy foods that gave me terrible heartburn and a sore throat and flu that lasted for a month. And now towards the end, i feel like eating chocs again. But each time i satisfied my craving, i would feel like throwing up.

What an irony! I had to have these foods but yet my body rejects them. Oh these wretched pregnancy hormones!

3) Quickening or movement of the fetus

Quickening is supposed to be this magical moment when you actually feel your baby move for the 1st time. Its supposed to make u contemplate the meaning of life and appreciate the special gift that you have been blessed with.
Ok fair enough...we were ecstatic when we felt Terelle move for the 1st time, though at that time as 1st time parents, we weren't sure if it was actually her moving or just a bout of gas moving around in my intestines. With Thane, the first time i felt him move, i informed hubby and he did the perfunctory "hand-on-my-tummy" action all the while being glued to his Sports channel. Sorry little fella, for being so blase about it all...it's the been there done that mentality...

And as the babies grow bigger and stronger, each kick, twist and roll would either leave me wincing or running to the toilet to pee. Of course, I was reassured that my babies were healthy and moving around but it was disconcerting (and not to mention painful!!) sometimes when a little foot or elbow would pop out along my belly, making me feel as though I was an extra on the set of "Aliens".

My daughter did her fair share of jamming her heels up my ribs but as for my son, he seems to derive great pleasure from actually first jamming his heels against my ribs and THEN dragging his feet across them as if playing on a xylophone. It is especialy NOT FUNNY when it happens in the middle of the night, just as I am trying to chase my elusive sleep after going to the toilet yet again.

4) Insomnia

Read: Constant jabbing of ribs = Pain

Kicking of bladder = Pee

Punching of intestines = Discomfort

Rolling on spine = Sharp back pain

Bumping of stomach = Regurgitation of gastric juice or some of the contents from dinner

Need i say more?


5) Mobility...or rather Immobility

Towards the end of the pregnancies (especially this one), i find myself waddling around like a duck. And woe betide me when my son changes position as i move around and chooses to press his head or hand or whatever against my pelvic bone. Sharp, stinging pain radiates from my pelvic region in both directions; up my back and down my legs. Fortunately my daughter did not torture me with this particular womb acrobatic.

And at night, i have to practically roll myself out of bed to get to the toilet cos its just not possible to rely on my stomach muscles anymore, especially when there is a 3kg weight pressing down on them. Even changing sides while sleeping involves actually clutching my tummy and heaving it over to the other side.

I am a sporty person by nature and i used to exercise religiously pre baby. And it upsets me greatly when all i can manage now is to shuffle slowly from Point A to Point B wincing in pain with each step, while i watch dear hubby go for his regular gym workouts and runs. Arrrgh...just give me another half a year, ill be running circles around you like before!! *wink*

6) Labour

And finally the 9months of torment culminates in the most traumatic event of all - Labour. Many friends who go on to have their 2nd, 3rd or even 4th kid tell me that after awhile "mummy amnesia" sets in and they seem to forget the pain of childbirth. Its been 2 years and 8 months since Terelle was born and i still remember every single jolt of white hot pain that raced through my entire body during the contractions. I remember hanging on to the laughing gas mask for dear life and taking huge gasps when the pain hit so that i could become deliriously high and seemingly "watch" myself suffering from a distance. It was so bad that i vagely remember the nurse yelling to hubby to pry it out of my hands so that i would not be too woozy to push!

Well, the countdown has begun and Thane can decide to pop anytime from now on. On one hand i am so looking forward to sweet relief but on the other hand i am dreading having to go through the pain again. Someone once told me not to think of labour as an ordeal to be suffered but rather something only I can do for my baby. Yeah right...ill try to remember those wise words when the baby elephant is splitting my body apart.

Terelle is a blessing and im sure Thane will be a bundle of joy to us as well, but i am definitely not going to be 1st in line to experience the "joy" of pregnancy a third time. I know of friends who have had memorable and happy experiences throughout their pregnancies but I am definitely not one of them. In fact i more or less hate how i feel from the start right till the end of both pregnancies.

I am thankful for my children and i am also thankful that i wont have to go through this again. Now to convince hubby to choose a surgical form of birth control... =)

Kids say the darndest things!

Terelle was playing with puzzles alongside Hubby's dad when she suddenly decided to check out his massage chair nearby. Here is the conversation that left us in stitches!

T: YeYe i use your massage chair ok?
Hb's dad: Sure! Go ahead!
( Burrows deep into the recesses of the huge massage chair)
T: YeYe i do my massage 1st, you make the puzzles ok? All the best!!

All of us looked at her incredulously and burst out laughing at the same time!!

I really wonder where in the world did she pick up the phrase "all the best!" And to be able to use it in the right context too!!

"Why?"

The whys have started..in full force!! And how do i deal with them??

T: Why are the trees green Mummy?
Me: Cos they have something called chlorophyll in them
T: Why??
Me: so they can make food.
T: Make food? Why?
Me: Cos all green plants make food so they can provide other animals with food
T: why??
Me: So the other animals can survive
T: Why???
Me: Cos our world is made up of many different animals
T: Many animals! Oh yah i like animals!
(Tip 1: Deliberately miss the point, it throws her off course!!)

T: Why does Yi Yi's face have so many pimples?
Me: Cos YiYi is heaty
T: Heaty? why?
Me: Cos she didnt drink enough water
T: Why?
Me: Cos she was busy and forgot to drink
T: Why?
Me: Cos she's got alot of work to do
T: Why?
Me: Cos her boss gave her alot of work
T: Why?
Me: Cos he's a slave driver
T: Oh ok
( Tip 2: Use big words! Words that i am pretty sure she has never encountered. She will accept them all the same!)

T: Mummy where's Daddy?
Me: Daddy's outside watching football
T: Why?
Me: Cos Daddy likes football
T: Why?
Me: Cos football is exciting
T: Why?
Me: Cos i dunno
T: Why?
Me: Cos i dunno
T: Ok...i dunno too!
(Tip 3: Just say i dunno!! Muahahaha....doesnt always work though...)

And sometimes, her whys leave us simply stumped for any form of rebuttal!!

T: Where are u going Daddy?
Hubby: To the toilet
T: Why?
HB: Cos i need to go to the toilet
T: (Following Daddy to the toilet) Why?
HB: Cos i need to do something
(proceeds to cut nose hair with scissors)
T: Why?
HB: Cos i need to do something!
(Hubby's not very imaginative with his answers)
T: Why are u cutting ur nose Daddy??
HB: ......

Starting school!

Terelle is starting playgroup this week! We decided to start her in school earlier, cos we dont want her to think that we are sending her away when Thane arrives! And since he's not due for another 3 mths, it gives her ample time to settle in nicely! Another plus point is for me; as im not so bulky and uncomfortable now, i can help her ease into school life sooner too!

Here is an account of her 1st week:

Day 1
Her teachers let me accompany her to class this week so that she wouldnt feel too traumatised. It was heartwarming to see how her new little classmates reacted to her. One tried to help her with her bag and lunchbox, another held her hand up during roll call to indicate that she was present. They were a really pleasant bunch with good manners and fine behavior and i was glad i made the choice to send her to this school.

She let me sneak off downstairs to grab a bite for about an hour, but when i returned i found her in tears in her teacher's arms. She soon stopped when she saw me and i counted my lucky stars she didnt cry violently. She also refused to let her teacher take her to the toilet today so i had to bring her myself. No sweat! i expected all these on the very 1st day so all in all it went by quite ok.

Day 2

She started crying as soon as we reached school, insisted on going to the toilet even though she just went, cos it gave her an excuse to delay going into class. Today her teacher told me to try to leave the class if not she may get too comfortable with me around. Hard hearted me was more than willing to give it a go so i scuttled off outside. Soon i heard screams of "i want mummy!!!" emanating non stop from the class, and the teacher had no choice but to call me back in.

Once inside, she insisted that i sit with her in class and follow her everywhere for fear that i would disappear again. She participated in all the activities happily and there were brief moments when she forgot about my presence and totally focussed on enjoying herself. But as soon as she remembered about me, she would quickly scan the room to ascertain my presence and then scoot over and hang onto my pants tightly. When i encouraged her to join in, she would do so hesitantly and kept looking over her shoulder to see that i was watching her.

Her teacher got her to demonstrate threading to the rest of the class and complimented her on her fine motor skills as she could follow exactly everything she did. I was pretty chuffed as my gal was the youngest in class and yet she could do things some of the older kids couldnt! haha..but then again, im biased!

Terelle allowed her teacher to take her to the toilet at the end of the class, and even waved goodbye to me but commanding me to stay put and telling me that she will be back soon in the same breath.

Day 3
Tried her usual trick of wanting to go to the toilet to escape class again and started crying as soon as we approached the school. I was rather tired today so didnt have the energy to entertain her theatrics. Got a bit fed up when she clung on to me during the Kindermusik session and refused to participate in the songs and dances.

She insisted that i sit right beside her at all times in class today and by the end of the school day i was totally whacked. One good thing though, she has started to let her teacher take her to the toilet without me.

Day 4
1st lesson of the day was Positive Focus and i found the lesson really interesting! The teacher was engaging and lively as she got the kids to go through different yoga poses while emphasizing that they were healthy and strong. Terelle took to yoga pretty well, perhaps it was because i did baby yoga with her when she was a wee tot. She could even hold the downward dog pose without wavering as the teacher slid under her!

She let me go off again today and i went to grab some lunch. I returned close to the time when school was about to end to find her crying hysterically and all because my dad peeked in at her unannounced and she got reminded that she was alone. Arrrrgh! Its really tough when u know your parents mean well but yet they screw up your plans sometimes. Had to drag a screaming and crying kid home that day, who kept insisting she didnt want to go to school anymore....

Day 5
My dad turned up unannounced at my house again at 1145am, the time when im rushing to get Terelle ready while cramming the last morsels of her lunch into her mouth. She got really upset at this unexpected event of seeing her grandfather and was crying and looking for me when she ran smack into the wall and bumped her head hard. As a result, she cried even louder, vomitted all her lunch over herself and made a complete mess. By the time i changed her and got her ready again, we were running late. I was beside myself with fury as i speeded all the way to school with her. I hate disruptions just as much as her and my level of tolerance is way low, what with being pregnant and all.

To make matters worse, my dad slammed his hand in the car door as we were getting off and bled all over Terelle's school bag. I told him to stay put and let me have a good look at the wound after i settled her into class but he being the matyr, sneaked off while i was occupied. Arrrrgh! What a terrible day! I was furious at my dad for ruining the day and making Terelle upset, worried that she got a whopper of a bruise on her head through no fault of her own and yet i was guilty as hell for yelling at him and upset that he injured his hand for nothing. Why oh why did he have to make the long trip up to my place today and indirectly cause all these ructions?? And being pregnant just makes everything worse as im so ungainly and uncomfortable and every movement is a pain.

It was a relatively subdued little girl who greeted me when i collected her today. I wonder isit because she has finally accepted that she will be going to school everyday or because her head was still throbbing from the nasty bruise??

At 28 months...

Terelle is already 28months old and soon will no longer fit the description of a toddler, but rather a child. Some updates on her development, mainly for myself to reminisce about when she is older!

At 28 months...

* She is 89cm tall and weighs 12kg

* Has been fully toilet trained since she was 2 years old. Only has to wear a diaper to bed at night and when she naps in the afternoon (cos she takes marathon naps of 3-3.5hrs!)

* Loves all kinds of fruits, i never have to force her to eat them. It is much more tricky with foods though. She dislikes vegetables (courtesy of her Daddy) and will spit them out if they are not finely chopped up and camouflaged with the rest of her meal. Loves chicken wings, noodles, cheese and steamed fish (thankfully!) Everything else has to be finely cut up before she can be conned into swallowing them!

* She can recognize all the alphabets but has yet learnt how to read. I have realised that she thrives on experiential learning and that making her sit down to learn her phonics is an almost impossible task. She has a short attention span and gets bored easily. She requires constant stimulation by varied sights and sounds and rote learning simply bores her to death. Sigh, i need some inspiration to come up with new and exciting word games to make her learn how to read!

* She can count from 1-10 in 3 languages: English, Mandarin and French. In the process of teaching her to continue up to 20. She gets it sometimes in English and Mandarin but French is still abit wonky.

* Finally able to recognize colors proficiently in English. Was starting to worry that perhaps she was color blind when all objects were pronounced to be "Red!"
However, now all objects are "Hong se!" (mandarin for red) But this time i wont worry that she wont get it in the end!

* Loves to sing in all 3 languages, and can even make up silly songs on her own, complete with her very own made up lyrics. Very hilarious when she starts singing the words "Mummy mummy go away!" to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars, when I try to get her to eat just that few more mouthfuls of rice.
Favourite songs: All english songs basically, for mandarin she loves "Xiao Ya - Duckling song" and "Yi shan yi shan liang jing jing - Twinkle twinkle", French "Joyeux Anniversaire - Happy Birthday" and "Tete epaule genoux et pieds - Head shoulders Knees and Toes"

* Adept at answering "Who, What, Why, When, How?" questions. Her carefully thought out hilarious answers sometimes leaves us in stitches. My favourite past time is "chatting" with her about anything in particular. Sample conversation:

Me: Terelle who is at the door?
T: Scary uncle
Me: What is the scary uncle doing there?
T: Waiting to catch me
Me: Why does he want to catch you?
T: Because...because im naughty
Me: How did he get there?
T: By aeroplane
Me: When is he going to go home?
T: When he wants to sleep

* Tries her utmost to get out of having her hair washed every night. Every single night without fail, she will look at you with expectant, shining eyes and ask imploringly "No wash hair?" To which i will reply cheerfully "Must wash hair!" Now she kinda accepts her nightly fate with a resigned "Ok my hair is stinko..."

* Behavior wise, I am happy to say that she responds well to negotiating. I do not have to resort to hitting or caning her as i believe that that should always be the last resort. She will usually abide by my requests and listen to my commands. For example, when i tell her that it is not nice to snatch toys and that she must share them or else no one will play with her in the future, she will usually give up the toy obligingly. That having been said, all negotiations will cease when she is in a foul mood, especially when she is sleepy, and amidst much screaming and crying, the desired toy will still not be relinquished.

* She is well and truly Daddy's girl - she can get away with just about anything with her Daddy! Cos as soon as she turns on the waterworks and adopts the damsel in distress persona, Daddy melts and will accede to all (well 90% of) her requests. And she knows how to play her cards very well! Switching from a cool, well behaved child who is eating all her vegetables in my presence to a whiny "manja" queen as soon as im say, off to the toilet and she is left alone with her Daddy, who just cannot bear to shovel another spoonful of the offending greens into his snivelling, theatrical daughter's mouth!!

Well, well...With her around, our life just gets more and more interesting everyday!

The grandparent gain? I wish...

Magazines always extoll the virtues of having a grandparent's influence in a child's life.

"Never underestimate the influence of grandparents as they are universally recognised as great companions who constantly shower their grandchildren with lots of love and special treats"

"Grandparents have a truckload of life experiences, and they can privide your child with a rich sense of family history"

"Your child will then have a better sense of who he is, and where he has come from. He will have roots, a history, and a sense of belonging, continuity and perspective"

Oh yes ive heard all of this and i do believe in the importance of my child being with her grandparents. And i do know that whenever she spends time with my parents, she is happy and contented because they do dote on her and indulge her shamelessly.

But why oh why is it so hard for them to be a constant feature in her life instead of being manipulated by the petty issues in their own lives, and leaving her constantly wondering where is one or the other when both were supposed to be meeting her?

Why oh why when i am stressed and overwhelmed by work and the world outside, they are not my listeners and advisors? Havent they "been there and done that" and have the hindsight to help put my issues into perspective? Instead, they carry on and on about their own inability to get along with each other and how they wish for the millionth time that each other never existed so that their misery will end. A depressing whirlpool that relentlessly sucks me in, leaving me drained of energy and feeling immensely guilty for coming into this world and "forcing" them to stay together for my sake while growing up.

Why oh why are my parents not mental and tangible support for me when i truly need them? All i need is a place for me to leave my daughter, without any fear or worries, whenever i need to go to work for a couple of hours. Even this is denied of me, and all because a dog takes priority in my old home. A cranky, mad, sick, old mutt who has refused to be tamed since the beginning of time but whom they refuse to get rid of because of "ethical reasons". Because of this mutt, i cannot bring my daugher home for fear that it will chew her up, gouge her eyes out and infect her with a virus. As a result, my daughter is robbed of precious time with her grandparents, time which could be spent more constructively and which, i am sure will be much treasured by her when she grows up and reminisces about her childhood.

The solution is simple: Send the dog to an animal shelter where it can live out the rest of its days, with visitation rights of course. But no, the dog takes priority over my daughter. It stays and she has to stay away. Case closed.

And yet, they carry on a constant tirade about not being able to see her often, and missing her, and being all depressed and upset because they havent had a chance to see her in a long time. Why oh why torture themselves when my girl can actually spend 3 entire afternoons a week with them? I really wonder if the presence of the dog provides more happiness than 3 whole afternoons a week with your own grandchild.

I am particularly miffed and upset now, all because of a phone call telling me that time was wasted roaming the streets of Singapore in a bid to get away from each other today. Time that Terelle could have spent buliding a bond with her grandparents. To me that is utter waste. Period. And it makes me absolutely sick and tired of this charade of martydom, and to what cause?? And how much more time is there left to be wasted??

I remember growing up at my Granny's house; her warm presence, her yummy meals, her cantonese rhymes and stories and just being there for me and with me. I also remember violently refusing to go home at the end of the week simply because Granny was home to me. Sadly, my daughter will never experience the intensity of these feelings, and all because her grandparents are too bitter with life, too caught up with feeling sorry for themselves and too full of pride to look beyond their grievances to let her into their lives.

I pray for my children's sake, that my husband and i will never become so embittered and resentful of each other. For it will be a painful, draining and depressing legacy to pass on and i would never ever want them to carry this burden, the way my sister and i are carrying it now.

All i need is a miracle right now.

Daddy's fat

Hubby goes for an evening workout at the gym most evenings if he comes home early. Feeling curious about her potential answer, i asked Terelle why does Daddy need to go to the gym.

I wasnt all that surprised (but totally amused by her candidness) when she answered solemnly, "Because Daddy is fat."

Once again she throws a gem of an answer in our faces. Bravo...

Fish bone, baby Bone?

I was feeding Terelle dinner the other night and i accidentally fed her a large fish bone together with the chunk of meat. Thank god she is a proficient spitter, her skills having been honed by countless spitting episodes of food that she does not fancy.

Out came the chunk of meat and bone and i was admonished with an exasperated look and the words " Mummy!! Baby no eat bone! Only dogs love to eat bones!!"

I should have been shocked, fearful, relieved...but i could only manage to laugh hysterically...Haha...


She has also taken to calling the new baby "Bone". I wonder isit because she heard the doctor say that he could see the baby's nasal bone while we were at my checkup.

We intend to name the baby Thane, so questions of "where is baby Thane?" nowadays, will be met with insistent yells of "Baby Bone!! Baby Bone!!"

Hubby loves to tease her by saying "Thane Thane Thane!" To which she will reply vehemently "BONE BONE BONE!!"

She can be doing her own thing; playing with her toys or reading her storybooks, but if she hears us surreptitiously mentioning Baby Thane, she will simply declare loudly "BONE!!" without even looking up from whatever she is doing.

I guess we will let her call her brother (?) whatever pet name she fancies...Guess we have to be thankful it is a cute pet name instead of something unmentionable. Imagine if she had heard the doctor saying "penis", now wouldnt that be a disaster???

Circle of Friends

Hubby had a dinner appointment last Saturday which Terelle and I couldnt attend, and i didnt want to be stuck at home on a Saturday nite. I immediately called up my trusty April Mummy friends and invited myself over to their houses to hang out.

It suddenly struck me that by and large, i have become so much closer to this group of friends, they with whom i can carry out endless conversations about motherhood (or anything else for that matter), whom are the only ones who do not frown and cringe when my toddler acts up, they who are the only ones who understand and symphatise when i have to go through a particularly testy and challenging time handling a temperamental 2 year old.

It is extra rare and heartening that we have bonded not because of a common hobby, a shared interest or because of mutual friends. Everyone has clicked so well simply by virtue of the fact that our kids are all born in the same month and we are on this journey through motherhood together. We are all of different ages, have different characters, have no shared history nor have ever known one another's teenage angsts or heartbreaks, yet we have no lack of topics to yak about and can confide in each other our secrets and fears.

With these friends i know that my gal will be guaranteed a whale of a time playing with her little friends, and that i can also have a good gossip session and maybe even enjoy a nice enough dinner (minimal interruptions in 5 minute intervals like squeals of delight, bruises or bumps while playing too roughly or petty squabbling session among the kids are totally tolerable) My old friends who do not have kids are still footloose and fancy free and are all out on a Saturday nite having fancy dinners, watching the latest movie, having supper and partying till dawn. To them watching your kids play together at home must be the most boring thing to do on a Saturday night and boy would i be out of my mind if i were to drag my gal over to their house and "torture" them with this ordeal.

And so we drift apart from our old friends...perhaps maybe just on this particular chapter in life. On the rare occasions that we do meet, we still have a good time, reminiscing about the past, gossipping about mutual friends and sharing our hopes and dreams.

And who says we have boring Saturday nites in? The whole gin gang trooped to Macs at 1am that night for a late night treat, kids in their PJs and all!

My little Piglet!

Yes it is going to be a little Piggy baby! Funny how 2 lines will change your life forever...

My toddler, my blessing...

Havent been faithfully updating this blog so thought ill get down to it again, cos i have just so many thoughts now that my little girl is growing up so quickly.

She is now a toddler, a walking, talking exercise in patience and love.

Suddenly, her entire vocabulary consists of of 'no!' and she makes up silly songs to shoo you away and get off her back. Overnight, she's gone from being an angel full of smiles, coos and adorable gurgles, to a hell-bent toddler, concerned only with getting into every room, nook, and cranny that she isn’t supposed to be in.

She is an enigma of extremes; one moment, she is smiling like a chershire cat and smothering you with kisses while the next moment she is a wild, screaming banshee, embarrassing you in the cafeteria all because she doesnt want her friend to eat the crackers from the same bowl as her.

I cherish the few quiet, stolen moments especially just before bedtime, when she lays her head on my shoulder, or when she kisses me just so that mummy will be happy instead of sad. I act the clown with her and close one eye even if its way past bedtime, whenever she prances around the house every night during her last bursts of energy, just so that i can hear the giggles of my toddler for a little while more. And sometimes i just do not have the heart to admonish her when she pretends her mouth is full for the upteenth time, just so that she doesnt have to take a another spoonful of food, all because of the impish gleam in her dancing eyes.

My girl sees the world through rose tinted glasses. Every mundane thing in my life is transformed into something new and wonderful in her eyes! Picking bits of fluff off the blanket, rummaging through the dustbin, smothering a stranger's dog with hugs and kisses, anything prohibited becomes an extraordinarily fun thing to do! Her imagination is limitless and i constantly find myself wondering where in the world does she find the energy to be a rabbit one moment, a dancing robot the next and then running at top speed around the house saying hello to everyone!

They call these years the terrible twos. Yet somehow, in between the tantrums, the crocodile tears, the ability to say no a thousand times over and repeat a request over and over again like a broken record, there is something precious and unique about this time spent with a toddler. Every day is a challenge and yet every day she lights up your world with new antics and out of this world comments.

The kiss, the lopsided grin, the hugs and words of "wisdom" of a toddler will warm your heart like nothing else will do, even on the toughest days when you feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. Regardless of the hard moments, being a mother to this toddler is one of the biggest blessings in my life and i will remember these crazy, happy times for as long as i live.

Daddy, naughty boy!

Hubby got a speeding ticket today and Terelle was fascinated as she watched her father being reprimanded by the traffic police at the back of our car.

When poor Daddy came back to the car, I asked her why did the police man catch Daddy. To which came this solemn reply, complete with an admonishing finger, " Because Daddy naughty boy!"

Will the wonders never cease?! Haha...