The grandparent gain? I wish...

Magazines always extoll the virtues of having a grandparent's influence in a child's life.

"Never underestimate the influence of grandparents as they are universally recognised as great companions who constantly shower their grandchildren with lots of love and special treats"

"Grandparents have a truckload of life experiences, and they can privide your child with a rich sense of family history"

"Your child will then have a better sense of who he is, and where he has come from. He will have roots, a history, and a sense of belonging, continuity and perspective"

Oh yes ive heard all of this and i do believe in the importance of my child being with her grandparents. And i do know that whenever she spends time with my parents, she is happy and contented because they do dote on her and indulge her shamelessly.

But why oh why is it so hard for them to be a constant feature in her life instead of being manipulated by the petty issues in their own lives, and leaving her constantly wondering where is one or the other when both were supposed to be meeting her?

Why oh why when i am stressed and overwhelmed by work and the world outside, they are not my listeners and advisors? Havent they "been there and done that" and have the hindsight to help put my issues into perspective? Instead, they carry on and on about their own inability to get along with each other and how they wish for the millionth time that each other never existed so that their misery will end. A depressing whirlpool that relentlessly sucks me in, leaving me drained of energy and feeling immensely guilty for coming into this world and "forcing" them to stay together for my sake while growing up.

Why oh why are my parents not mental and tangible support for me when i truly need them? All i need is a place for me to leave my daughter, without any fear or worries, whenever i need to go to work for a couple of hours. Even this is denied of me, and all because a dog takes priority in my old home. A cranky, mad, sick, old mutt who has refused to be tamed since the beginning of time but whom they refuse to get rid of because of "ethical reasons". Because of this mutt, i cannot bring my daugher home for fear that it will chew her up, gouge her eyes out and infect her with a virus. As a result, my daughter is robbed of precious time with her grandparents, time which could be spent more constructively and which, i am sure will be much treasured by her when she grows up and reminisces about her childhood.

The solution is simple: Send the dog to an animal shelter where it can live out the rest of its days, with visitation rights of course. But no, the dog takes priority over my daughter. It stays and she has to stay away. Case closed.

And yet, they carry on a constant tirade about not being able to see her often, and missing her, and being all depressed and upset because they havent had a chance to see her in a long time. Why oh why torture themselves when my girl can actually spend 3 entire afternoons a week with them? I really wonder if the presence of the dog provides more happiness than 3 whole afternoons a week with your own grandchild.

I am particularly miffed and upset now, all because of a phone call telling me that time was wasted roaming the streets of Singapore in a bid to get away from each other today. Time that Terelle could have spent buliding a bond with her grandparents. To me that is utter waste. Period. And it makes me absolutely sick and tired of this charade of martydom, and to what cause?? And how much more time is there left to be wasted??

I remember growing up at my Granny's house; her warm presence, her yummy meals, her cantonese rhymes and stories and just being there for me and with me. I also remember violently refusing to go home at the end of the week simply because Granny was home to me. Sadly, my daughter will never experience the intensity of these feelings, and all because her grandparents are too bitter with life, too caught up with feeling sorry for themselves and too full of pride to look beyond their grievances to let her into their lives.

I pray for my children's sake, that my husband and i will never become so embittered and resentful of each other. For it will be a painful, draining and depressing legacy to pass on and i would never ever want them to carry this burden, the way my sister and i are carrying it now.

All i need is a miracle right now.