Everything ok?

I always get sentimental at the close of a year and this year i am particularly so. It has been just that little bit scary and lonely as i tried to find a balance on my own. On a scale of one to ten on how well ive coped this year, I guess I passed. 

But anyhow, life's full of hits and misses and I'm thankful for all the adrenaline filled and warm fuzzy hits of 2013.

On family, friends and life...

 It was a humbling experience volunteering with underprivileged kids in Vietnam this year. Their cheerfulness and content despite their limited comforts made all that we take for granted back home excessive. I made some awesome, selfless friends in the process and ill work alongside them again in a heartbeat on more projects this year.

I backpacked in Sri Lanka with my best friend and it was the most unforgettable experience of my life. We did all everything unconventional; from going out to sea with fishermen, to chatting up locals on board third class...we had experiences that you only watch in movies. 

Im so glad we had this chance to do all that we did and i wouldnt have it any other way. Thank you for showing me how a trip should be truly enjoyed; without the stress, the unhappiness and the simmering anger, that things can be worked out with a little patience and acceptance, as with everything else in life. 

I climbed an active volcano that was a challenge every single step of the way. . Perhaps being on the wrong end of 35 is a wake up call to run the proverbial marathon or climb a mountain before one becomes too old/too tired. Nevertheless Rinjani reignited my spirit of adventure and 2014 will see me scaling new heights and exploring new terrain.

 I brought my kids to our first ever threesome trip to Taiwan on the heels of a girlfriend and her family. It was exhausting I must admit but the fun that the children had more than made up for it.

I completed my quota of 12 races this year with one of them being an overseas race. I achieved my PB thanks to my bunch of inexhaustible running kakis who never failed to push me to my limits. (Sometimes even to the point of puking)

I went back to my first love - badminton, and managed to stumble upon a regular group to play with. The bonus is that this group is a wonderful bunch who not only are badminton kakis, but have also become close friends as well, hanging out for suppers and coffee and offering a listening ear when I'm down.

I made newfound friends who share similar life experiences and who have picked themselves up so courageously to make the best of their situations. You know who you are and I am honored to be able to confide my hopes and fears to you, for only you guys understand the struggles I face. I reconnected with old friends who inspire me to take life by the horns and face each day with upbeat optimism. Thank you for keeping me company all those lonely nights, as we poured out our woes and lamented about our fates over dinners and drinks and music. 

My kids have become more important to me than ever before. I realized that in a world that constantly lets you down, they are a constant and that their unconditional love and acceptance is all that I need when I need a little (or a huge) pick me up. 

On love...

I floundered through some misses in this arena this year and i sometimes wonder what had possessed me to make certain decisions. 

I realize that i need to find a man who will fight to be in my life no matter what. I need someone who knows that love is hard work, that relationships are never always about the good times.  I want someone who understands that the loving, laughing and the goofy times are worth the fighting for the fighting throws up important issues that once ironed out, will strengthen the relationship. 

I want a man who will make it his life's mission to make me happy because he is convinced that only he has the right to do so. 

Is it too much to ask for a man who intuitively knows what to do when im happy or sad, and who pays attention to details of my personality? Is it too much to ask for a man who recognizes the girl who simply needs to be cuddled and held and cared for but yet admires the woman with her ambitions and dreams?

 I want a man who will always believe in his heart of hearts that we should be together; a man who will never give up on me no matter what. 

Perhaps I am trying to kid myself. Perhaps all my well meaning friends are right and that I should not settle. 

All i know is, through it all, two words keep popping up in my mind now and then.

"Everything ok?"

I remember the support that came at the back of these words. I remember the genuine concern for what's happening during my day. I remember the familiar comfort of these two words and how they became my crutch to get through tough days. 

"Everything ok?"

"No it's not ok. But maybe this year ill find a way."