Because of you (two)

Because of you, i have a chronic back ache.

Because of you, no amount of concealer can hide my eye bags.

Because of you, i have the rusty, cloying smell of breastmilk lingering around me all the time.

Because of you, i have become a neurotic hypochondriac, for fear of passersby spreading their germs to you. I deliberately make a huge detour if someone sneezes or coughs in our path, disregarding any dirty looks from the offender. To hell with social graces! I am not risking another episode of you being so sick.

And on the same note, because of you, every little sneeze or cough of yours sends me into a frenzy and i start keeping you under surveillence and worry incessantly that you might be falling sick.

Because of you, i find myself constantly counting the no of days it takes to incubate viruses after an encounter with a sick person, heaving a sigh of relief only after the theoretical requisite no of days has passed. Only to find myself starting on another cycle of waiting with bated breath as you come into contact with yet another sick person. I am crazy and paranoid, i know, but i simply cant help it.

Because of you, somedays when things get really crazy, i feel like giving up and throwing you both out the window. When you dont want to eat the nutritious food that i have painstakingly prepared for the umpteenth time, when you have been wailing non stop because you cant have your way, when you refuse to sleep and insist on me carrying your 8kg frame and bouncing up and down like a human "yao lan" WHILE your sister is screaming and kicking me in the shins because i refuse to give her sweets before bedtime; i wish i could turn back time and not have kids in the first place.

And yet because of you, every ache and every pain melts away when you lie beside me at night and tell me that you love me out of the blue.

Because of you, i am starting to see the world through your rose tinted eyes and marvel at how innocent and untainted a child can be.

Because of you, i am learning how to stretch my patience and have become more creative at parenting.

Because of you, im glad i made the choice to stay at home and witness every single one of your milestone. Every gummy smile, every new story that you tell me about your day in school is a priceless treasure to me.

Because of you, my heart is lifted whenever you are happy and i wish you could be happy all the time.

And because of you, i have come to see a different side of the man i married. The man helps me with you whenever he can and yes, although there are limits to his patience (he is a man after all...) but i am thankful for every bedtime story read, every bathtime sorted, every meal patiently fed when i am dead on my feet from exhaustion; when he could have been enjoying his sports channel after a hard day's work.
I am thankful for his thoughtfulness with little surprises like a spa treat when i feel like i cannot deal with you anymore and i am grateful for his willingness to labor on beside me in being a hands on parent.

And though because of you our bedroom has been usurped, our couple time has dwindled to almost zilch and our almost our entire day is being monopolised by a slew of relentless whinings, demands for attention, feeds, burps and diaper changes; it makes me miss our couple time and reminisce about the those lazy, hazy days when we had the whole weekend to ourselves and could jet off on a short holiday whenever we fancied.
But yes, because of you, i have grown to love your daddy more.

Having said all that, because of you, i am still glad i have kids.