So long, and thanks for all the fish

It is 10pm and Thane is comfortably cocooned in my arms, blissfully suckling to sleep.

Little does he know that it will be the last time he gets to suckle and that a thousand and one feelings are swirling through me right now.

Tomorrow hubby and i leave for Bangkok for a 4 day getaway and we are going to use this chance to wean him.

I am sad.
We've been through so much, my babe and me. From the early days of mastitis, to finally achieving a constant supply, to his abrupt and emotionally wrenching milk strike, to him becoming kinda addicted to the breast...this last breastfeeding session just seems so sudden and so final.

As i watch his little angelic face slowly soften as he starts to doze off, my heart breaks and my resolve is weakened. I am so tempted to call off my trip tomorrow, just so that i can continue nursing my little one.

If i had my way, ill probably let him self wean slowly. But so many factors are pushing me towards this harsher decision of weaning him myself, now.

I think of the sleepless nights. Ive not had unbroken sleep for the past 2 years cos he still wakes up to 4 times a nite to nurse!! For FUN!! He's not really suckling!!

The screaming fits when i deny him the breast. The absolute worst case is when im driving and he's strapped in his car seat and howling incessantly for nen nen. He will wail and holler and scream and sob all the way home, and all the while im trying my darndest not to get into an accident amidst the racket he's making.

I think about his lack of appetite and disinterest in food cos he loves to suckle at all times of the day and he fills up before he gets a chance to have his proper meals. He eats like a mouse and i am afraid he is not getting enough nutrients, for breastmilk isnt supposed to be that nourishing to a 2 year old as it is to a 6 month old!

His reluctance to drink from the bottle cos the breast is always so much more comforting. And so i am chained to him, for i always have to be present to comfort him whenever he's upset and also to put him down to sleep. I remember him waiting for me way past his naptime, cos i was having tuition and couldnt nurse him. He ended up real cranky and screamed the whole house down cos he was extremely tired, but still he waited and waited till i was done.

I think about the embarassment when he tries to pull up my top in public as and when he fancies. The image of Emperor Pu Yi comes to mind and i am terrified if i dont wean him soon, he will continue to breastfeed all the way till he's 6!!
Horrors of horror!

And so i harden my heart and commit this image of his contented little sleeping face to memory before putting him down to sleep. I have to move on and close this chapter of my life.

That's it, its over...My milk producing days are done.

Ive breastfed Thane for 1 year 11months and 22 days, just 8 days shy of his 2nd birthday.
I deserve a huge pat on the back.

Oh and i forgot to mention, bye bye cleavage, hello runway again...sigh...

Mourning Jack

It was the day when torrential rains poured over our little island. And there was widespread flooding, the most well known one being in the Bukit Timah area.

I was in Bedok, far far away from Bukit Timah. I was supposed to be safe.

And yet...
Let's just say i was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I had just finished my workout at Tampines and was going to pick Terelle up from school. One of her classmate's mum called to say that her car couldnt start and asked if i could pick her gal up as well.
Sure, not a problem, i cheerfully answered, as i slowly negotiated the car through the blinding rain towards the school.

I picked the girls up, dropped Terelle's friend back home and headed off towards our own home.

Almost every car had their hazard lights on and everyone was going at a snail's pace. I had never seen such heavy rainfall before, much less drive through one, so i was exceptionally careful.

I saw some flooding ahead of me and estimated that the water would come up to about half tyre. But smaller cars than mine were cruising easily through the pool of water so i figured it was alright.

Never in my wildest dreams did i expect to stall right smack in the middle of the flashflood!

You always see other drivers standing forlornly by the side of the road, beside their vehicle that had just broken down, and u go "tsk tsk so cham!"
But you never ever expect it to happen to you.
When it does you are just flabbergasted and lost.

The next few minutes were pretty surreal.

I tried to restart the car but it sputtered and died, with all its indicator lights flashing.
Other motorists started to horn at us from the back.
Terelle jumped up and down excitedly, asking me loads of questions and yelling at me to "Quickly start the car and MOVE, mummy! We are blocking the road!"

At that moment my mind was a blank. I didnt know what to do but to call hubby, who was thousands of miles away in Beijing.
Sudden call at 3pm on a Thursday afternoon from wife, i wouldnt hazard a guess over the million and one bleak thoughts that could have flashed through his mind at that time.

After calling for the tow truck, i ushered Terelle out of the car and into the pouring rain cos i was afraid the cars behind wouldnt be able to see us and plough into us. I had to carry her through the flood, cos i didnt want her to get wet, and my shoes and pants were soaked through.

As we stood by the road side, huddled together under the umbrella, and waited for the tow truck (and the liews to come save terelle and bring her home 1st), i saw the floodwaters slowly receed.

10minutes later and the road was back to normal.

Sigh...if only i had stayed a little longer at the gym, if only i had driven a little slower, if only i had parked at Terelle's school and waited for the rain to abate, then i wouldnt have been caught in the flashflood.

See? Normal road conditions by the time the tow truck arrived

Poor Jack being towed after his watery death

I'd never thought ill feel so strongly over the car.

Poor poor Jack (Our family's affectionate name for the car) with his flashy rims, sporty exterior and customized racing stripe, is now lifeless with his lungs (engine) full of water in a dirty workshop. Jack who has accompanied us on many a happy family outing, who has drawn countless appreciative glances on the roads and who is a luxury to maneuver is dead, dead, dead.

And he is barely 2 years old!

As im writing this, im not even sure if we'll ever see Jack again, the initial prognosis from the mechanic is grim.

I feel like im mourning the loss of a dear friend. *sob*

Running

Amongst many other common interests, i am thankful that hubby and i share a passion for sports, especially running.
Due to our inherent competitive streak, we have always taken great pride in trying to outrun each other, ever since our school days.

I havent been running very regularly since ive had the 2 monkeys, but this year, ive finally hauled my lazy ass off the sofa and restarted my fitness regime. Also because hubby sponsored an unlimited membership with the gym, and penny pinching me abhors wastage, so i go almost everyday to maximize the membership! Haha...

It really is a case of mind over matter. When i wasnt exercising i always felt lethargic and listless, and yet couldnt sleep well at night. Once i started hitting the gym regularly, i had renewed energy to push myself to do so much more during the day and at night i slept like a baby (until awoken BY the baby)

Here we are at some of our runs this year.

At the starting line of the nike human race

I struggled to complete the 10k last year but im proud to say i did it quite effortlessly with a respectable timing this year! Yeah!

Just before flag off in a sea of red

A little crazy with euphoria at the end

At Run Singapore

I also took part in the Great Eastern Women's 10k but alas, no pics as my friend was holding on to my fone when i went for a loo break at the start and we got separated when the run started.

And i have made it my personal challenge to keep beating my timing and to push myself to see how much i can improve.

It feels good to have an agenda for myself for once, and to indulge in something that i am passionate about, and not have my world revolve entirely around the kids.

And this is also the reason why i am dead set against having a 3rd child. My life has just started to get back on track and i dont want to be derailed again and start right at the beginning with another baby.

A couple of good friends are expecting their 3rd child and i am really happy for them, (sidenote: YL you may not be the best mother in the world but i know you are the best mother that k, s and the akan datang little one can ever have. And i admire you for your bravery and steadfastness in following God's plan!)

But i know that i will be extremely upset if i were to fall pregnant with a 3rd child. There is just not enough of me to go round if i were to have another baby.

(Which reminds me that i did mention when i recounted about my pregnant pauses, about how i was going to permanantly guarantee that that doesnt happen.)

We have set our sights on the Great Wall Marathon in Beijing and the Phuket Marathon next year and maybe also the Great Ocean Road marathon in Melbourne, and take a holiday at the same time after completing the race. It would be a good chance for us to have some couple time too without the kids.

Anyone keen to join us? :)

Simple pleasures

We really do not need to spend money to buy any more toys for the kids.

Here they are keeping themselves occupied with things found around the house! Best of all, most of these things came free of charge!

Drawing on a balloon

This is a box that came with a lounge chair that we bought.

They doodled on it, played hide and seek in it, played pretend house, slept in it, hid their little treasures in it and basically spent many happy hours with it.

Hiding and squealing non stop

Terelle peeking out of the little window that she cut out herself

Thane in his shanty town house

Alas, hubby has thrown the box out as it has been almost torn to shreds.

Its ok, it had lived a good life!

And here they are, dragging each other along in the old car seat.

I am seriously thinking of doing away with xmas pressies this year

Shall i get them some cardboard, a few pieces of plastic and maybe some tin cans?

HAI-YAK!

This is the result of watching too much Kung Fu Panda.

In the video, Terelle is very amused by Thane's antics and held on to his head while he pummelled the air. Of cos that didnt go down too well with him.

And when he couldnt hai-yak Jie Jie, he turned and started to rain blows on me...haha...

The story of the rejected milk powder

I bought a tin of Nan Pro 3 for Thane to try a couple of months back and he took to it, finishing the entire tin within a month.

Gleefully i bought another tin but this time, it was a pain just trying to get him to finish up a bottle every day. Thinking that i bought the wrong tin (cos Nan Pro3 and Nan HA look similar) i rushed out to get a tin of Nan HA just so that he would drink more milk everyday.

To my utter dismay, he rejected the Nan HA completely! Actually i dont blame him, it smells and tastes like puke.

And so i have almost a full tin of Nan HA and a quarter tin of Nan pro 3 sitting in my kitchen untouched.

I was determined not to let them go to waste, but i couldnt possibly sell them away now that they have been opened.

Brainwave moment - I decided to use the milk powder to bake cookies! I used a conventional recipe for cookies and made some trial and error changes, the cookies turned out to be crunchy on the outside and a little soft on the inside, just like the consistency of Sugi cookies.

The kids loved them so much that they walloped almost half the entire batch the moment they came out of the oven. In fact they were already eating the dough even before i could bake them. Wahahaha...

And so here is my recipe, for any mummy who wants to get their kid to drink more milk without them actually drinking it!

Ingredients
180g butter (softened at room temperature)
80g Horlicks
50g milk powder
200g cake flour
10 tsp sugar
chocolate chips or colorful sprinkles

Method

1. Preheat oven to 140deg. Line baking tray with baking paper

2. Sieve cake flour and milk powder.

3. Cream butter and Horlicks at low speed for about 3 minutes, gradually adding in the sugar.

4. Add cake flour and milk powder and beat until dough is formed.

5. Roll into balls or use cookie cutters to cut into shapes.

(I let Terelle decorate them, she made faces with the choc chips and silver sugar balls.)

6. Bake at 140deg for 25-30minutes, depending on your oven.

7. Cool completely before storing. Makes about 50 cookies.

Enjoy! :)

Thane is writing!

Ive been practising with him using this reusable ABC booklet. And one fine day, he surprised us by actually being able to write out a couple of letters on his own on the easel!

He can write the letters "H, I, L and O" proficiently. And most of the letters with the straight lines with a bit of help. Letters with curves are still a little difficult for him.

But its no mean feat! Terelle only started writing letters when she was around 2 years and 8 months!