Guilt

A dear friend was miserable today because she had inadvertently caused her daughter to suffer the pain of a bloodied, cracked fingernail. She was racked with guilt as she blamed herself for her girl's plight. She called herself a careless, bad, clumsy, terrible mummy and was inconsolable each time she saw the injury.

What is it about motherhood that reduces strong, self assured women to sobbing wrecks when their defenceless little offspring are in pain?

I emphatise with her completely and i totally understand the immense pain and guilt she is going through. I remember the time when Terelle got scalded by hot macaroni. My mistake was to take my eyes off her for just one second and in that instant, she grabbed the flask and poured the contents all over herself. Never in my entire lifetime will i forget her blood curdling scream and the absolute anguish in her eyes as the searing heat reduced her tender flesh to a soggy mess. Or the way she tried in vain to beseech me to give her comfort and take away the pain and all i could do was look on helplessly. I felt like such a hypocrite when it was actually me, her supposedly unwavering rock, who had inadvertently caused her such pain and misery. No amount of consoling could assuage my guilt and even till today, after the wound has healed and the scars have faded, i still blame myself for having let my poor baby suffer.

And it sure doesnt help when people we meet everyday (even toilet cleaning aunties!) ask about the scars on her leg and make tsk tsk noises about how careless i was. As if i need reminding?!

Evolution is the natural progression or maturation towards better adaptation; so till the day we grow eyes at the back of our head, have 8 retractable arms, can function at 100% even without any sleep and develop superman lightning reflexes, we are only human and we make mistakes. We have all been a careless, bad, clumsy, terrible mummy some time or the other.

So cheer up dear...our babes know that even with all our shortcomings, we love them unconditionally and will do all we can to protect them. And that is all that matters isnt it?