Baby vs Puppy

Terelle is besotted with this little Shih Tzu from a pet shop in Marine Parade.

Every chance she gets, she will rush headlong into the shop and stand in front of her little glass cage, making funny faces, jumping around and going "Awwwww...Coochie coochie coo".

She has christened the dog Leelo, tells me she wants to take her home and implores me to buy her. I tell her i have no money, and that she should go ask Daddy.

This is the conversation that ensued tonight.

T: Daddeeeee, i love Leelo...can u puhleaze buy her for me?

D: How much does Leelo cost?

T: Err one thousand...errrr five hundred and sixty...no eighty

(Im behind hubby, silently mouthing the words for her, she definitely doesnt know the concept of how much money this is)

D: Do you know how much money that is?

T: Not alot! You have money right?

D: Haha...how about we sell Baby away, then we can use that money to buy Leelo? What do you think?

*Terelle is stumped for words. You can literally see the cogs in her brain whirring furiously*

D: Yup if we sell baby away, he will go live with someone else, but they will give us money so that you can buy Leelo. You want that?

*More silence as she ponders the consequences of that option*

And then the clincher...

T: How bout you sell him away when he is grown up!

Hubby and I almost rolled off our chairs laughing...her loyalty to her brother only extends after he is all grown and has exhausted his usefulness of entertaining her!

Great insight on a kids' thoughts...hahaha...

Love letter

In case you cant read this, it says:

Dear Wei Pyn

My number 67570794

Love Terelle

I. Am. Floored

My daughter, who is all of 5, has just given her phone number to a boy.

She is kinda besotted with this boy from her class. A skinny little ball of energy named Wei Pyn.

Im not sure if she truly understands the meaning of love or perhaps she simply enjoys his company very much, because Wei Pyn, from what i can tell from my sneaky observations in school, is a spontaneous, fun loving and mischevious little boy.

He has many characteristics that are similar to my mafia queen and they are inseparable in class, always playing and chatting happily and even poking fun at their classmates together.

And so for the past few weeks, its been 'Wei Pyn this, Wei Pyn that". She tells me she wants to marry Wei Pyn when she grows up. When i say she's too young to be thinking about marriage, she retorts, "No not now Mummy, when Im big like you, I will marry Wei Pyn."

*Smacks forhead in disbelief*

He loves anything to do with Transformers and she brings Transformers stickers to school for him. Heck she even smuggles Thane's Transformers figurines into her schoolbag when he's not looking, to give them to Wei Pyn!

What disloyalty to her brother! haha!

And sometimes i catch her smiling to herself and when i ask her why, she tells me with a shy smile and a twinkle in her eye that she dreamt Wei Pyn got down on his knees and asked her to marry him.

Oh myGod.

The best part is, Wei Pyn actually called her that night, after she gave him the note in school.


The conversation went as follows:


Terelle: Hello? *giggle giggle* Hello? You want to talk to my brother?


*passes phone to Thane*


Thane: HAR-LOW??!! HAR-LOW!!?? WHO ARE YOU?


*snatches the phone back*


Terelle: My brother is very funny right? *giggle giggle* OK... ok... see you tomorrow! Bye!



And she comes up to me and says,"Mummy how come Wei Pyn sounds so squeaky on the phone? He sounds like a mouse!"


That's cos his voice hasnt broken yet!? That's cos both of you are 5 years old!!?


That's him, that's my supposed future son-in-law.

Sigh...should i start fretting now?

Thane talks

We are at the airport fetching hubby home from a work trip.

Thane is dressed in long sleeves and wearing his striped pants with a huge owl on his bum.

Passers by find him irresistibly cute and cannot resist but ruffle his hair and pinch his cheeks.

Helper comments," Wah baby, everybody likes you huh?"

Thane swiftly replies, "Because baby handsome."

* I have absoultely no idea who taught him that! *

-----------------

I have stopped breastfeeding him for close to a month now.

Just yesterday i offered him the breast for fun.

M: Baby wanna drink nen nen?

T: *looks at me incredulously* Dunwan!

M: Why? Why dont you want nen nen?

T: Because baby big boy already.

And no matter what i say and how i cajole him to drink nen nen, he keeps rejecting me with a cheeky smile on his face.

He really is a big boy through and through!

---------------

Helper plonks him down on the playmat and goes to the kitchen.

Barely a minute later, we hear his plaintive wail.

" Aunt-eeeeeeee! Come here! Play with baby! Im SO BORED, baby ALL ALONE!"

This is said with the exact same intonation and in the exact same manner as Terelle, who laments this way ever so often, especially during the long holidays.

He is picking up EVERYTHING from Jie Jie, good and bad.

Weaning - the aftermath

Weaning Thane from breastfeeding was easier than i thought.

Now, whenever its nap or bedtime, all i have to do is to lie on the mattress next to his bed and do my own thing, while he wriggles and squirms round and round the bed, trying to find a sweet spot to lay his little head.
(You know, just like when a dog needs to poo, he goes round and round and round until he finds a nice spot and then he goes?)

After about 15min of burrowing around his bed, he finally falls asleep with nary a fuss.

Heaven!

But the catch is that i HAVE to be beside him. If suddenly during his squirming he happens to look up and im not there, he'll scream the house down till i come back and sit beside him.

It doesnt work if hubby is sitting there. It has to be me.

But im not complaining...its a far far cry from having to nurse him left, right, left, right.....on and on and on for at least 45min!

His appetite has increased much more too. Now he takes 3 bottles of milk a day, 300ml in the morning, 150ml in the afternoon and 120 ml at night, on top of 3 full meals.

No more eating like a mouse! Hallelujah!

However, even without breastfeeding, he's still quite the mama's boy.

Ever so often during the course of the day, he will come and lay his head on my chest and just lie there for a good 10min. He will want me to hug and cuddle and carry him like a baby, smiling contentedly when i do.

And when he's upset, all i have to do is pick him up, cradle him and soothe the raw nerves with some quiet words and he's fine and dandy again.

And i was so worried that only breastfeeding could calm him down!

So overall, i would rate this weaning episode a 10/10. And we got to go for a holiday on our own on top of that!

Happiness...

So long, and thanks for all the fish

It is 10pm and Thane is comfortably cocooned in my arms, blissfully suckling to sleep.

Little does he know that it will be the last time he gets to suckle and that a thousand and one feelings are swirling through me right now.

Tomorrow hubby and i leave for Bangkok for a 4 day getaway and we are going to use this chance to wean him.

I am sad.
We've been through so much, my babe and me. From the early days of mastitis, to finally achieving a constant supply, to his abrupt and emotionally wrenching milk strike, to him becoming kinda addicted to the breast...this last breastfeeding session just seems so sudden and so final.

As i watch his little angelic face slowly soften as he starts to doze off, my heart breaks and my resolve is weakened. I am so tempted to call off my trip tomorrow, just so that i can continue nursing my little one.

If i had my way, ill probably let him self wean slowly. But so many factors are pushing me towards this harsher decision of weaning him myself, now.

I think of the sleepless nights. Ive not had unbroken sleep for the past 2 years cos he still wakes up to 4 times a nite to nurse!! For FUN!! He's not really suckling!!

The screaming fits when i deny him the breast. The absolute worst case is when im driving and he's strapped in his car seat and howling incessantly for nen nen. He will wail and holler and scream and sob all the way home, and all the while im trying my darndest not to get into an accident amidst the racket he's making.

I think about his lack of appetite and disinterest in food cos he loves to suckle at all times of the day and he fills up before he gets a chance to have his proper meals. He eats like a mouse and i am afraid he is not getting enough nutrients, for breastmilk isnt supposed to be that nourishing to a 2 year old as it is to a 6 month old!

His reluctance to drink from the bottle cos the breast is always so much more comforting. And so i am chained to him, for i always have to be present to comfort him whenever he's upset and also to put him down to sleep. I remember him waiting for me way past his naptime, cos i was having tuition and couldnt nurse him. He ended up real cranky and screamed the whole house down cos he was extremely tired, but still he waited and waited till i was done.

I think about the embarassment when he tries to pull up my top in public as and when he fancies. The image of Emperor Pu Yi comes to mind and i am terrified if i dont wean him soon, he will continue to breastfeed all the way till he's 6!!
Horrors of horror!

And so i harden my heart and commit this image of his contented little sleeping face to memory before putting him down to sleep. I have to move on and close this chapter of my life.

That's it, its over...My milk producing days are done.

Ive breastfed Thane for 1 year 11months and 22 days, just 8 days shy of his 2nd birthday.
I deserve a huge pat on the back.

Oh and i forgot to mention, bye bye cleavage, hello runway again...sigh...

Thane is writing!

Ive been practising with him using this reusable ABC booklet. And one fine day, he surprised us by actually being able to write out a couple of letters on his own on the easel!

He can write the letters "H, I, L and O" proficiently. And most of the letters with the straight lines with a bit of help. Letters with curves are still a little difficult for him.

But its no mean feat! Terelle only started writing letters when she was around 2 years and 8 months!

Who? What? Why? When? How?

Thane is getting prolific at questioning us. His line of questioning is spot on in context and he always leaves us flabbergasted at his creativity.


Scenario: His diaper has burst and his shorts are all wet. Our helper tells him that he has to take a bath right now. However, they are not at home but at my mum in law's house.

Helper: Baby you need to bom bom now. Your diaper burst.

Thane: *Looks at her incredulously* Here?

Helper: *Amused* Yes!

Thane: How?

(As in this is not our house, where in the world can I bom bom?)



Scenario: Passerby couple quarrelling. We overhear guy telling girl to keep quiet and that he doesnt care about her anymore.

Thane turns to his Gong Gong and with a puzzled look on his face, asks, " Why?"

Gong Gong: I dont know...I have no idea...

Thane: Then how?

*Gong Gong is gobsmacked*



Scenario: Thane is singing at the top of his voice and totally massacring the song. Terelle is trying to sing the same song properly but cant because she is distracted by him.

Terelle: Keep quiet baby!! KEEP QUIET! You must SING PROPERLY!!!!

Thane: *with a mocking smirk* Why?

The big 20

Thane turns 20 months old today.

Physically he can:


Chew chunky food! Yay finally! He has almost his entire set of baby teeth, save for his 2 lower incisors.

Hold his own in the water. He is fearless in the water which is sooooo unlike Terelle who used to scream murder whenever her face got wet.

Throw and catch a ball effortlessly.

Play catching with his sister.

Climb the stairs by himself, holding onto the railings at the side.
(But he never dares go up or down the stairs by himself. He used to attempt to, but each time he does, he would meet with a barrage of loud, sharp words. So i think he's learnt that the stairs are dangerous.)

Blow out through his mouth. A nifty developmental skill that Terelle only picked up later.

Copy a couple of dance moves. The kids are especially adept at dancing along to Michael Jackson MTVS. They have been well and truly exposed to the late King of Pop.

When they are not fighting, he loves imitating his sister. Here he is trailing along in her wake, whistling, marching and saluting just like her.

Intellectually he can:


Recognize all the uppercase letters of the alphabets. Lower case letters still need a little prompting.

Knows the sounds of all the letters of the alphabet.
(Thanks to Leapfrog's Talking Letter Factory DVD)

Can count items from 1-10, any more his counting goes wonky.

Can segregate different sections of a picture, i.e. for example the beach scene below, he has colored the sun yellow, the crab and starfish red, the trees green, the sea blue, but all of cos not inside the lines.
But i think its a great effort!

Verbally he can:

Indicate what he wants by saying "I want!" whenever we have something in hand that he likes.

Right now gastronomically, he is starting to be very adventurous and will go "I want!" and insist on trying whatever we are having at mealtimes.
He has even managed small nibbles of mee rebus and rendang without flinching.

Tell our helper whenever he wants to drink milk - "Drink Milk!".
(Oh ive started him on formula - NanPro3 cos its supposedly most similar to breastmilk)
However he hates sucking from the teat, preferring to drink from his water bottle, from a straw.

Repeat after us quite accurately. I remember just a little over 2mths ago, i was asking hubby how come he hasnt started to say any coherent words yet and now here he is, talking fast and furious!

Say "Go Gai Gai!", grab his shoes and go stand by the gate at least once a day. He simply loves to go out!

Sing along to all of Jie Jie's favourite songs. Rhythm is there but words not so clear. For those songs he's not so sure of, he can sing the last word of each verse.


Emotionally:


He's still very much mama's little baby. Loves to be cuddled and hugged and will hug, kiss, sayang any of us when asked.
Much more "manja" than Terelle ever was!
I think its all because im still breastfeeding him.

Clings to us, or more specifically me, like superglue whenever in a new place and faced with strangers. Will warm up and start to explore his surroundings after awhile. The period of time taken to warm up significantly shortens when i am not in sight.
Did i mention he's mama's little boy?


He is adding new antics to his ever expanding repertoir everyday and i am eager to see what he can achieve next!
Im so proud of you baby!

At 18 months

Thane has finally progressed beyond unintelligible babbling!

He can call us all by name:
Pa Pa
Mare Mee (Mummy)
Che Che (Jie Jie, it used to be "chee chee" but now he has gotten the hang of it)
Ko Ko (Gong Gong)
Per Per (Por Por, it sounds like "per" as in the sound the letter P makes, but we know what he means)
Yee Yee (He does this best, with lots of glee and a great deal of panache. Arent you proud, sis?)
Yeh Yeh
Ma Ma
Ah Tee (Aunty, our helper)
Bay Bee (baby-himself)

He can indicate his intentions:
Go (when he wants go out)
There (when we ask where does he wanna go)
Hey Oh (Hello)

Ball (His favourite toy right now is a yellow soccer ball)
Bear Bear
Egg Bird (Big Bird from Sesame Street)
Eh Mo (Elmo)
Car

He has a distinct preference for the color yellow.
When in the ball pit of any indoor playground, he will seek out all the yellow balls and try to hoard them all, screaming murder if anyone tries to take them away.
At dinner time, he will always choose the yellow plastic spoon over all the others.
He has 3 pairs of shoes, one yellow and 2 blue. Whenever we go out, he will always go for the yellow pair.
Similarly for toys, stickers, markers, crayons, you name it...he will always zoom in on the yellow colored one and not let go.

Loves the song "C is for Cookie" by Cookie Monster
He will clap and bob along to the rhythm of the song whenever any of us sings it. Terelle will usually trash the lyrics by purposely singing some rubbish to the same tune but he seems to find this even more amusing and will laugh hysterically at her version.

Loves books
He will come running to anyone who has a book in hand, sit down quietly and listen while we tell him the story. And i am glad to notice that because of this, Terelle has begun to want to read more, cos she sees her baby brother always totally absorbed in their books.

He can sing the alphabet song!
Well not exactly...but he can make almost the right sound for each particular letter, and follow exactly in tune and rhythm!
He can also pick out several letters correctly when we ask him to.

When asked "What's your name?"
He will answer "Teen!"

When we point to pictures of him and ask who is that, he will go "Me Me Me!"

Can make correct animal sounds...
Dog: Woof Woof
Cat: Meeeeiow
Cow: Mooooooo
...and point out all the different animals whenever we ask where they are, even atypical ones like dinosaur, ostrich, koala, mole and lemur!

Although Terelle was way more advanced in speech at the same age (she could string together short sentences by 18mths), im proud that he has made such progress so far!

Keep it up baby!

On an entirely different note, at 18mths we brought Terelle to France. When Thane turned 18mths, we brought him to Sentosa.
Talk about sidelining no2? hahahah...

Clingy babe

This is how Thane behaves outside nowadays.

Nestling in either our helper's or my arms

Clinging to our legs

Err being a lazy beach bum...

...but nestling in my arms, u get the point

He will lie in the safe cacoon of our embrace and eyeball any strangers warily, refusing to proffer a little hand for a high five or even give a tiny smile. Lips pursed, he will shyly look down or away when any person tries to engage him.

What a big contrast from a couple of months ago when he would happily wave and smile at any friendly stranger!

Hubby attributes it to me still breastfeeding him, that's why he's so clingy. But i think its just a phase they all go through.

When she was about Thane's age, Terelle was extremely attached to me for a period of time too, refusing to allow anyone else to even touch her. Now nothing will keep her still by my side for long!

So ill just treasure my little koala while this phase lasts.

Almost a year now...

At 11 mths and 3 weeks, Thane can

- say "go" if he wants to be carried somewhere. He can even indicate the direction by flinging out his little fist.

- say "dog" whenever he sees a dog, his current favourite animal. That's why Mummy is going to have a doggy theme for you for your birthday!

- say "eye" when we point to our eyes.

- kiss on command. Very cute, especially when he is kissing little stuffed toys!

- clap and dance on command. Current favourite song - I like to move it! from Madagasca. This skill was honed by Terelle, cos she is hooked on the cartoon. She can watch it twice a day and not get sick of it!

- put a handphone to his ear whenever we say "hello?"

- make a monkey face on command. It involves scrunching up his nose and squinting his eyes.

- question authority. For example, he would be on the verge of reaching for a forbidden object like a fork. Upon hearing a stern "no!" from either of us, he would continue to surreptitiously reach for the fork by s..l..o..w..ly reaching out his little hand towards it, all the while cheekily looking at us from the corner of his eye.

- say "dee" when i point to hubby in our wedding picture. Though im not sure if this was a fluke, cos he hasnt been able to repeat this feat.

- walk unsupported for 4 steps before deciding that crawling will get him to his destination faster.

Its going to be your birthday party tomorrow baby! Mummy is getting excited! ;)

My second child

Then
Terelle used to follow me EVERYWHERE, and i really mean everywhere. Even when i had to go to students' houses for tuition, i would cart her along, and she would play with my students' siblings or watch her dvds right beside me


Now
I hardly bring Thane out cos with 2 kids of different ages, its kinda difficult to plan activities that they can both participate in. And it doesnt help that he doesnt cooperate when i try to bring him out.

1) If i take him along to tuition, i wont be able to teach for 5min before he starts howling for attention and demanding to be picked up. If not he will be crawling around/pulling on everything in sight/putting everything into his mouth. No way would he be able to sit quietly beside me for 1.5hours.

2) He hates being confined in the car seat, choosing to cry and squirm all the way to our destination. Outside, he refuses to sit/sleep in the stroller, and usually ends up irritable and cranky.

It is a vicious cycle, because of this, he seldom gets to go out. And perhaps because he seldom gets to go out, he is not used to being taken out and gets upset by the sights and sounds, and tends to get frightened by the many different kinds of people he sees. He will stare intently and scrutinize any new face, only to break into a howl when they start to smile/wave/play/do a hi5 with him.

Sigh...i am trying to bring him out more often now. Dont want him to end up being a frog in a well cos he's always left behind at home.

Then
Hubby and I would bring Terelle out with us all the time, and show her off to anyone and everyone.

Now
We try to sneak out as often as we can sans kids and we really relish our precious couple time together. Without the kids we dont have to take turns to have dinner/feed them/change diapers/appease their tantrums/carry them till our backs ache/worry about them touching dirty surfaces and contracting hfmd...the list goes on...

What about showing off the kids? Errr...just go to our blog and see their pics.

Then
Terelle used to sleep with us every single night.

Now
Thane sleeps in his cot every single night.

Then
I experimented with all kinds of foods with Terelle, unwittingly ignorant that they might have weakened her body. (according to the sinseh - he who believes that children should not be given any fruits from A-Z, no biscuits, no seafood, no cold stuff, no fruit juices until they have built up their constitution)

Now
Poor Thane only eats porridge/mee sua/organic pasta cooked in meat broth with vegetables and plain bread as his snack. He has yet to eat a single piece of fruit nor try a bite of a biscuit. His food repertoire is so pathetic that i feel so sorry for him.
On the flipside, he does seem stronger than his sister. He seldom falls sick, even when she coughs and sneezes right in his face when she is ill. Even when he is sick, his symptoms are mild and usually abate within a couple of days. We shall see...

Then
We had no helper and Terelle only had me 24/7. I was also fiercely protective of her and abhorred the thought of a helper, lest she vie for the affections of my precious baby.

Now
I leave Thane in the capable (so far) hands of my helper while i go out to teach/exercise/shop/eat/attend workshops/catch up with friends/have a life. I do not feel a smidgen of guilt...ok maybe just a teeny weeny bit sometimes when Thane tries to reach out for me as the lift door closes in his face.

Then
I remember when Terelle fell off the bed for the first time. We panicked and hubby carried her and literally ran all the way to the paediatrician to get her checked out.

Now
When Thane fell off the bed for the first time, i was quite unperturbed cos he only cried for like 30s, had no baluku and was pretty much his normal self after that. No need to go haring off to the pd...saved me $40 too.

Then
Splurged on pretty new clothes for Terelle ever so often.

Now
Im happy with my friends' hand me downs for Thane.

Then
Flashcards! Music during naptime and bedtime! Books! Gym!

Now
Err...i do some of the above whenever im not too tired or when i feel like it.

My poor second child...please dont grow up thinking that you've been sidelined. I still love you to bits.

Strike Day 6

Thane slept through the nite before, somehow or rather i kinda expected him to. Guess once i changed my mindset, everything seemed easier to bear.

Helper took over to keep an eye on him so i could get some extra shut eye in the morning. However i couldnt really sleep cos i could hear him squealing non stop outside. Finally got out of bed and found, to my surprise, that my happy little baby was back. Perhaps our misery rubbed off on each other the past few days and once i started to lighten up, his mood changed for the better too. When i saw that he was no longer moping around, my spirits were further lifted, and i felt that maybe the worst was really over.


In the afternoon, after Terelle went off to school, i shut ourselves inside my room again, turned on the worship cd and spent the next 3 hours skin to skin. Thane fell fast asleep on my chest and although i was wide awake, i didnt dare move until it was time to fetch Terelle. He continued to sleep for another half an hour after that, that made it a total of 3.5 hrs! He had never before napped for such a long time.


The afternoon and evening passed by quickly enough, with us feeding him milk by spoon as per normal.


After dinner, as i settled down to watch some tv (Dont forget the Lyrics, my current favourite reality show), i thought no harm trying to latch him. I expected him to push me away again as usual, but to my utmost surprise and delight, he began to nurse as if he never stopped.

I didnt dare to move an inch lest he unlatched himself. I think I didnt even dare to breathe deeply. I watched in amusement as he went through his usual routine of scratching his head with his free hand and slowly drifted off to sleep. And i just sat there holding his hand and stroking his head for the next 1.5 hrs, with him asleep at my breast, only finally getting up and putting him down when my bladder was about to burst.

I don't know if he will go on strike again. But I am thankful that we had this particular nursing experience so I could savor every second of it. At least if that was the last nursing session, it will stay in my heart and soul forever.

Thanks to all my friends (you know who you are), and even other mums who just chanced on my blog, for being so supportive and comforting to me during this confusing, emotional time. What you did for me just confirms that mother-to-mother support is so very important to a nursing mother. I will always remember this episode for the rest of my life.

And to any other mums who is as unfortunate as me to have to go through this, take heart. The strike will pass..all u need is alot of patience and determination. And if you feel like its the end of the world, just get in touch with me, ill lend you my shoulder to cry on.

Strike Day 5

Hubby was at home again today, cos we need to go sign some documents for our new flat. The morning passed by as usual, with us spoon feeding Thane his milk and water. I have increased his meals to 3 times a day now, adding cereal for breakfast because in the past he used to latch in the morning.


When Terelle went off to school, we took Thane along with us to the document signing session. I still didnt want to leave him alone. In the car, i had almost succeeded in getting him near the breast when my fone rang. (It was my dad, he has an uncanny knack of calling me at the most inopportune time. Sigh...)

Thane got startled and started to cry and pull away. At the height of his hysterics, hubby suggested we turn back and leave him at home. I refused and tried my best to comfort him, all the while trying not to burst into tears again.


He finally slept on my shoulder. Thank God we didnt turn back! During lunch, i spoonfed him some milk again. He took it with minimal fuss. I put him in the sling and carried him around for the rest of the day. My shoulders ached from his weight but i was determined for him to spend as much time close to me as possible.


Thane had his porridge outside and was an angel throughout the signing and the meeting with the lawyer. He slept on my shoulder during the meeting and didnt wake until 3 hours later, by then we had already reached home.


I was worried that he was getting dehydrated as he seemed lethargic to me. Hubby cheerfully remarked that previously i worried when he didnt sleep, now that he was napping for a longer stretch why was i worrying again?


Fed him another bowl of milk when he awoke and gave him a new sippy cup to try. We had just bought that cup in the afternoon as i wanted to try everything in a bid for him to drink more milk.


I was dreading bedtime again but surprisingly, i neednt have worried. After turning on the cd, i sang "There is none like You" just once to him and he fell fast asleep on my shoulder with nary a fuss. I was elated. My spirits lifted and i felt so much more hopeful that i have felt in days. I think God is trying to tell me that we can get through this.


Hubby just came in and commented that it is funny how God works. We have been trying to get Thane to sleep on his own and complaining so much about how he wakes up countless times throughout the night. Whenever he cried and needed to nurse in the middle of the night, Hubby used to carry him to me and sleep at the foot of the bed while i nursed him. As soon as he fell asleep again, i would kick hubby awake and he would gingerly carry him back to his cot, hardly daring to breathe in case he woke up again. Before hubby left on his biz trip, we were actually saying that as soon as he came back, we were going to let him go cold turkey and cry himself to sleep.


We have realised that we should be careful about what we wish for, it really might just come true but not in the way that we expect. Yes he has gone cold turkey, but he has done it on his own terms. We didnt have any choice in the matter. And perhaps it is a good time that he is finally teaching himself to sleep on his own and not use me as a pacifier.


I am going to sleep now. As i am writing this, Thane is still fast asleep and i am convinced that he will sleep through the night agian.


We shall see. I live to fight another day tomorrow. I am encouraged and i have faith that i can get through this.

So help me God.

Strike Day 4

730am: Thane was awake and wailing his lungs out. I hurriedly carried him outside as Terelle was stirring. I didnt want her to wake so early as she would be tired and cranky by the time she had to go to school.

Hubby had to rush off to work and i quickly warmed up some milk for my helper to feed Thane. At that moment, Terelle walked into the living room. My heart sank...i couldnt face the prospect of entertaining her till the time she had to go to school and deal with Thane at the same time.


I begged her to go back to the room and sleep some more. She refused. I started to cry and begged her again to go to the room. She started to cry too. Hubby saw the drama unfolding and let out a sigh of despair.

In the end, with tears streaming down my face, i carried Terelle back to the room and set her down on the bed. I asked her if she wanted some milk and she said yes. After she finished her milk, i laid beside her and she quietly told me "Mummy dont be sad, ill sleep some more ok?"

With that, she started to smell her beloved blankie and closed her eyes.

I started to cry again. I could hardly believe that my little girl was so matured about this. She could actually empatise with what i was going through and didnt want to add to my misery. I thanked God for my little blessing.

Just before Terelle left for school, Thane smacked an entire bowl of milk onto the floor in his rage at being spoon fed. I was devastated as i watched my precious milk spilt on the floor instead of ending up in his tummy and yet i was helpless to do anything about it.

It was comforting to have hubby home yesterday but i knew i had to get through the days myself from now on. When Terelle went off to school, i took Thane into the room, closed the door, turned on the worship cd again and spent the next hour skin to skin with him. It worked, and he lay contentedly on my chest, listening to the music with his eyes wide open and he didnt cry one bit.

Encouraged, i tried offering him the breast again when the entired cd finished playing. Sadly, he started to push me away again. Dejected and thoroughly discouraged, i started to cry again. Inwardly i was telling myself, perhaps i was being too impatient. Perhaps i should give him more time.

While Terelle was napping, I spent more skin to skin time with Thane with the same music playing in the background. He fell asleep on my chest and i put him down next to Terelle and fell asleep myself.

When i awoke, hubby was home with a dozen donuts to cheer me up. Only he understood me best and knew that i needed food, sweet ones at that, to keep my spirits up. I had already gone through 2 packets of chocolates that day. I thanked God again for my other blessing in my life.

After dinner, hubby took out his guitar and song book and we spent the next hour singing some of our favourite worship songs. Terelle even tried to mimic Daddy by strumming her toy guitar with one of his picks. Thane sat in my lap and quietly observed us. He seemed strangely calm and didnt move much as he listened to our singing.

When it came to bedtime, Thane fell asleep in hubby's arms again, all the while listening to the cd. However, Terelle was talking rather loudly and woke him up an hour later and he started bawling again. I quickly started to heat up some milk for him but when i returned to the room, hubby had already put him down on the bed and he was fast asleep.

My tears started to flow again as i clutched that precious bowl of undrunk milk. My supply had been greatly affected by the events of the past few days and my breasts were sore from being unaccustomed to the harsh pumping action of the pump, so every drop that i managed to squeeze out was so precious. And there was this entire bowl of milk that wasnt going to go into Thane's system! I just couldnt bear the thought of that.

Hubby sat on the floor beside me and told me to let go and let God. He said that maybe if i finally could stop blaming myself and let go, my supply would return and God would make things right. Deep down in my heart i knew he was right, it was really up to me to stop trying to control everything. I washed my face and went to bed.

To my utmost surprise, Thane slept through the night.

When i groggily reached for my clock in the morning, i half expected it to be 3am. It was actually already 730am and he was still fast alseep. I was so happy i couldnt go back to sleep myself.

Strike day 3

Hubby took leave today to lend me support and help out at home. He helps me prepare Terelle for school as i struggle with trying to feed Thane via cup, bottle and spoon.
I realised that spoon is the best bet as most of the milk gets in that way. He simply detests the bottle and with the cup, most of the milk dribbles down his chin. I try to get him to latch intermittently without success; he continues to push me away, crying unhappily.

1230pm: Terelle goes off to school. Hubby suggests we go out for a nice lunch but i cant bear to leave Thane alone at home.

In the end, we bring him downstairs to the coffee shop for a walk and to get some groceries. I can hardly stomach any food. As i miserably pick at my hokkein mee, Thane stares ahead forlornly. He seems to have lost his spirit too. Is my misery rubbing off on him or vice versa? Either way we are both miserable.

Throughout the afternoon, I kept replaying in my mind what happened on Friday night. I kept wishing I had known Thane was going to go on strike. I would have treasured every moment of our last nursing session. I would have smelled his soft hair, kissed his forehead and nuzzled his little fist, and look on with amusement at how he liked to scratch his head with his free hand, until he fell fast asleep. I would have treasured every second of our special time together and not take it for granted by reading or watching tv.

That afternoon i cried each time he cried. At one point, he was just sitting quietly in my lap and staring sullenly in front of him. It seemed as if his spirit was broken. With tears streaming down my face, i told hubby i couldnt take any more of this.

Terelle was trying to nap when she saw me crying. She quietly gave me a hug and said "Dont cry Mummy, I love you." I could hardly believe my ears. Here was my 3 year old baby actually comforting me!
My little girl has really grown up. I picked her up and hugged her. I asked her why baby keeps refusing to drink mummy's milk. Her innocent reply was "Baby dont want to drink milk becos he wants to go to school with me."

Smiling through my tears, i marvelled at how matured she could be one moment and just a kid again the next.

We brought Thane to see the pd in the evening, just to get him checked out and make sure there was nothing physically wrong with him. The pd gave him a clean bill of health and told me that he has a strong character to be able to protest so vehemently at 9mths.

When i told her i was not ready to wean, she looked me in the eye and said that it was not up to me anymore. Now it was really up to Thane, if and when he decides to forgive and forget, and start to nurse again.

I was crestfallen at her declaration. I was all ready to nurse him well into his toddler years. I didnt want the hassle of bottles and spoonfeeding. If only he would return to nursing, i wouldnt even mind getting up 5 times a night to nurse him again. Why did i complain so much when he was nursing through the night? What i wouldnt give to go back to those days. But it wasnt about what i wanted anymore, was it?

At night, after all the bedtime rituals, the four of us trooped into our room. As i turned on the cd player, songs of worship started to fill the room. Hubby remarked that he suddenly felt like listening to this particular cd. Surprisingly Thane fell asleep in his arms with much less fuss compared to the previous few nights.

As the four of us lay on our bed listening to the cd, the song "There is none like You" begain to play. Hubby started singing and when he came to the line "suffering children are safe in Your arms", i felt peace for the first time in days. God was comforting me and i told myself to hold that line close to my heart.

Thane woke up again in the middle of the night and we went through the motion of feeding and comforting again, all the while with the cd playing in the background.

He woke up only once this time.

Strike Day 2

11pm: True enough, when it came to bedtime and Thane needed to nurse to sleep again, he started his hysterical screaming. Tried to get him to latch again but he wailed even louder. After rocking, bouncing, cradling, singing, walking around he finally slept, shuddering every few minutes, the after effects of his frenzied crying session.


2am: He wakes up crying again. I warm up a small container of expressed breast milk and painstakingly feed it to him by spoon, all the while carrying him with the other hand. He laps a few spoonfuls up eagerly only to start crying and struggling again. I doggedly continue to feed him every single drop, despite his apparent misery every few minutes.


315am: He falls asleep after crying his heart out again. My dad actually suggests that i bring him to the pd tomorrow to ask if it is time to wean. I almost explode with fury and exasperation.


5am: Same thing happens. Cry, warm milk, feed with one hand with him protesting between spoonfuls. I keep sms-ing hubby for encouragement. He replies and tries to keep my spirits up, despite it being 5am too over in Shanghai.
Hubby says he has a phobia of travelling now, cos everytime he travels, something will go wrong at home. Its always the kids who suffer!! Once when he travelled, Terelle landed in hospital and now this?! How i wish it were me who was aflicted with all these suffering...why does it have to be the kids??


6am: Thane falls asleep and i gratefully sink into bed.


830am: I wake up and groggily stagger out of bed only to realise my parents have taken Thane out for breakfast. Thankful, i go back to sleep with Terelle who miraculously, has slept through the entire din the night before.


10am: Thane returns asleep in my helper's arms. She puts him down in his cot and he wakes barely 15min later crying miserably again. No luck with latching again, we try to feed him some milk in a bottle. He tries to bat it away in despair, crying and gagging at the same time. Takes almost 30min to finish just 100ml of milk.
I am worried as most of the time his diapers are barely filled when they used to be so full they would leak from time to time. Is he dehydrated??


12 noon: Supposed to bring Terelle to a good friend's son's party but am so tired i cant bring myself to dress up, drag myself out and handle her outside. i knew i would be worried about Thane at home too, so decided to skip the party.


Afternoon passes by in the same manner, the only thought that kept me going was that hubby would be returning that night. I needed him to be around, to tell me that it was not my fault and that everything would be alright again. And with him around, if i needed to cry i could cry in peace. I did not need to keep up with appearances as i did with my parents around.


Headed off to the airport to fetch hubby in the evening. Thane started fussing after dinner. Tried to nurse him in the car, but to no avail. He used to love nursing in the car, the rocking motion slowly easing him to sleep. My heart twisted at the memory.


1130pm: The entire household is asleep. Thane wakes and cries inconsolably. Hubby has his first taste of the mayhem. I break down and sob my heart out as he tries to carry Thane and calm him down. Finally succeeds after about an hour.

Hubby repeatedly tells me that i couldnt have forseen that Thane would have such a reaction after the flicking incident and that i should look ahead and not dwell on the past. But i cant..i just cant...everytime i see how miserable he is, i feel like beating myself up.


3am: Thane wakes and we both scramble to feed him a bowl of milk again. Same reaction, feed cry feed cry....cry until spent, fall asleep wimpering. By now my heart is in a million pieces.

Strike Day 1

1130pm: Trying to nurse Thane to sleep as usual. Brought the kids out on a cable car ride to Sentosa and then to watch the "Song of the Sea" today so am particularly bushed. Hoping that he would fall asleep quickly so that i can crash too, and not looking forward to him getting up at least 3 times to nurse during the nite again.


1138pm: Thane bites me hard and i flick his mouth, chiding him at the same time. He furrows his brow, gives me a bewildered and hurt look, arches his back away from me and starts to howl. I quickly carry him out of the room for fear of waking Terelle up. (On hindsight, shouldnt have bothered...she can sleep through an earthquake)


1230am: He is still crying and screaming. My mum tries to pacify him and it works for a few minutes. I keep trying to offer the breast and he does turn his face towards it. Then he seems to remember that he was flicked and turns away yelling with renewed fervour.


145am: He is still crying and wimpering pitifully. I sms hubby who is away and tell him how desperate i am. Hubby is awoken from his sleep and dismisses me as he thinks it is not a serious issue. But i am scared and desperate cos deep down i know that something is not right. The worm has turned and i dont think that anything i do will make it turn back.


215am: He has finally cried himself to sleep. Exhausted i climb into bed beside him and fall into a fitful sleep.


330am: He is up and wailing again! I offer the breast again and the same thing happens. He turns towards it then remembers how i hurt him and turns away crying woefully. My heart breaks...

All this while my mum is grumbling that i am making her precious grandson suffer and that it is not good for babies to cry so much and that he will get a fever and fits the next day and keeps suggesting that i give him formula as she is convinced that he is hungry.
I tell her that i think he is on a nursing strike and she scoffs at my resolve to breastfeed, claiming that my sister and i are both fine and dandy now and we were both not breastfed.
I am utterly frustrated and try to shut out all her unwanted advice.


445am: He cried until he was exhausted and has fallen asleep. I am exhausted too and miserable. Why is he rejecting me? I feel that it is my fault for flicking him.


620am: He wakes and i jump at the chance to offer him the breast. He takes it!! I am overjoyed, thinking that everything has gone back to normal. I do not dare move and we both fall asleep, me upright and him cradled in my arms.


830am: Thane wakes as per normal and my mum and helper take him outside to play with him while i get some extra shut eye.


1030am: I wake and my helper tells me she thinks he's hungry and sleepy at the same time. I fumble with my bra's nursing clasp and try to undo it quickly. Alas it is not quick enough for my impatient boy and he starts to howl in anger and twists out of my arms again. When i finally get it undone he refuses to latch again. He screams and cries for a good hour before falling into an exhausted stupor again.


The next couple of hours are a blur of intermittent crying, offering the breast, his refusal and pushing me away, more crying, then falling asleep only to wake in a short while and repeating the whole process.


By nightfall i am totally spent and utterly miserable. I havent had a bite of lunch and have no appetite for dinner. However my parents are around and i make a half hearted attempt at dragging myself downstairs for some food. I bring Thane along as i cant bear to leave him at home with my helper.


745pm: My parents and Terelle are tucking into a sumptous bak kut teh dinner while i stare at my food with Thane sitting in my lap. He is looking around impassively, totally unlike my busybody little boy just a couple of days ago. Every few minutes he will cry out and bury his face into my neck. My dad quickly finishes his dinner and carries him away to look at some children racing cars nearby, in a bid to cheer him up. I half heartedly swallow a few morsels of food.


After all the bedtime routines for both kids, my heart sinks further. I knew that it was going to be another long night.
I was right, the night was longer that it has ever been.

Thane has landed

I have done it again, had an epidural-less labor not by choice (again), but because my doctor is pro all things natural. So how did it go this time?

7th december

Still 2 weeks to the expected delivery date. Was feeling tired and achey all over after yet another sleepless night, and wondering when he will actually pop.

12noon: Terelle went off to school with Yiling and Kirsten

1230pm: Had a meeting at home with my editor, promised him to do some work during my confinement month. On hindsight now, i was really thinking too highly of myself. I didnt even have time to sleep, let alone write!!

2pm: Drove to Woodlands to meet hubby for lunch and wait for Terelle to finish school

3pm: Tucking into my burger and msg laden shaker fries and joking with friends over sms that i hope today would be the day cos its a nice date - 071207! Coincidently Terelle was born on 050405

330pm: Picked Terelle up and headed over to gynae's clinic for a checkup

430pm: Gynae did an internal exam and commented in all seriousness that i was already 2 cm dilated and that he had just hastened my labor by bruising my cervix and hence triggering contractions; adding, in the same breath that he didnt mean to do so. Ahhhhhh!!! Its time!!!??

5pm: Strapped to the ctg machine to monitor contractions, continued sms-ing friends

530pm: Back in waiting room where a first time mum seated next to me commented on my apparent "cool" demeanor, when i was about to deliver anytime. Hell, i was freaking out inside! BUT to keep my pride intact, i continued to smile through her praises.

545pm: Doctor took one look at the ctg readings and proclaimed that i would be delivering by midnite tonight. Whoa...sweaty palms, clammy forehead...i feel faint already...

630pm: Headed home to do some last minute packing and take a shower, doctor told us to check into the hospital by 8pm

7pm: Hubby leisurely made a bowl of noodles to eat and kept offering me some. (Note: 2nd time round, not at all flustered)
I had absolutely no appetite, all i could think of was that a watermelon would be bursting out of me in less than 5 hours time.

730pm: Contractions started, as with Terelle, i labored with my back, feeling like i was being sliced into two each time the contractions hit

8pm: Had a CLASSIC BIRTH MOMENT in the car and as usual it had to do with hubby. I was groaning in pain in the backseat and urging him to drive faster to the hospital. "Im in pain!!" i yelled. The good man just had to choose that exact moment to ask "Errr what kind of pain ah?" DUH!!

Pain means pain!!! U mean there are different kinds??!!

2 years ago, hubby had an equally classic birth moment. While i was in the throes of pain at the height of my labor with Terelle, i requested that he massage my back to relieve some of the pain. After 5minutes of frantic rubbing, he plaintively bleated that his hand was painful. Hello? reality check? Who is the one in more pain???

But i digress...

830pm: Finally made it to the hospital without me killing him along the way. Handed Terelle over to my parents and sister and hobbled into the delivery wards

9pm: All prepped and waiting for the pain to intensify. At this moment the nurse came in, took my temperature and commented that i was running a fever. Shucks! Must be because of Terelle's flu bug! Had to have a plug inserted into my vein and antibiotics pumped into me to protect the baby. Ouch...i hate the plug! Whenever you forget and accidentally brush your hand against something, it yanks at your vein, causing pain in yet another part of my body which i really dont need right now.

Nurse did an internal exam: 4cm dilated

930pm: Nurse checked again, still 4cm. Made a call to the doctor who arrived in a couple of minutes. Doctor tried to distract me by talking to me while he did an internal check again. I didnt realise he was actually breaking my waterbag! To my surprise, there was a loud pop sound after which the clear fluid flowed steadily out. Ashen faced from the pain i turned to hubby for comfort. He was equally ashen faced and blabbering "He inserted a hook inside...a HOOK!!"

okay...no comfort from there...

945pm: Contractions fast and furious now. Sucked on the gas like there was no tomorrow, all the while trying to remember nors' advice at the back of my pain muddled brain. (Thanks dear!) I held on so tightly to the gas mask that at one point i actually yanked it off the wall, and was wondering why the gas wasnt working as well as it should. Why the hell wasnt i drifting off into that out-of-body trance?

10pm: Nurse came and did another check, just 5cm dilated. What??! Things dont seem to be moving along fast enough. She offered a pethidine jab to relieve more of the pain so that i would be more relaxed and hence make labor progress faster. Yes yes whatever! Just gimme something for the pain!!

1020pm: High on the gas, with each contraction i was mumbling "no more no more, this is the last one", to the amusement of the nurse assisting me. Coincidently, she was the same one who helped while i was laboring with Terelle!

As the urge to push intensified, i heard the nurse start to page for good ol doc. She kept telling me not to push and that, i felt was worse than the actual contractions. Imagine the feeling of trying to hold in a huge bowel?? one word - DISTRESSING!

Within minutes my savior was here, strapping on his boots and rubber suit with a flourish. He cheerfully declared, "ok you can push now!" what sweet words to my ears!

In the most unglamorous position yet again; feet propped up in stirrups, spread wide apart, i remember looking at my toenails and thinking irrelevantly: my pedicure looks nice! Good thing i had it done just a week ago!

But then the pain sweeps over me again, the gas mask is yanked from my lifeless hands and i am urged by 3 disembodied voices to PUSH!

i bear down hard, nothing happens.

Deep breath, bear down again. Was that a distinct snip i heard down south? i dun want to think about it.

Push! Hard. Why is it taking so long? This is even harder than Terelle's birth!!

By the 4th or 5th push i hazily remember screaming to the doctor to "just suck the baby out of me pleeeeeeeease!!"

Doctor obliges by setting up the vacuum and one push later, my son emerges in a wet rush.

I am exhausted and lay back against the pillows and refuse to move another muscle even as my squirming, piping hot baby is laid on my chest. Vagely i remember the doctor exclaiming," Whoa this little guy is big! Much bigger than what we scanned at the clinic!"

Of cos he is big, i bet it is a war zone down south.

Thankfully doc proclaimed that because he made a small snip, the wound was clean and i would heal marvelously.

Only after the effects of the gas had worn off was i able to admire my son. My son! My chubby little bub! Coolly messaging friends and relatives to inform them of his arrival, i was oblivious while doc stitched me up. While most would cringe at the thought of a needle pricking at your most sensitive regions, let me reassure you that absolutely no pain can compare to the pain of a drug free (well almost) labor.

And while doc was at his gory task, another classic birth moment happened. A moment which i will forever regale my frens with. Doc suddenly sneezed straight at me while he was doing his stitching. If that wasnt horrifyingly icky enough, he actually used his sleeve (bloody, mind you) to wipe his nose!

Gosh, can u ever be that blase about childbirth??!!

Me and my chubby bubby! Finally!

My little Piglet!

Yes it is going to be a little Piggy baby! Funny how 2 lines will change your life forever...