Working too hard?

Ive been giving tuition for years but for the longest time this year, ive had no luck in getting assignments.
However, recently God has been good to me and all of a sudden im bombarded with so many referrals for tuition that i have to turn down many assignments.

Im very thankful for the work coming my way and the financial independence it proffers, not to mention the immense satisfaction from knowing that i actually count again.
I can earn my own keep!
Im no longer just a yellow-faced, thumb twiddling housewife whose entire world revolves around the 4 walls of her home!
The rusty cogs of my brain are turning once more!


It feels good to be able to buy stuff for the kids with my own money or to pay for their enrichment classes or workshops without having to consult hubby.

I can also treat myself to an indulgent snack if i fancy it. (it used to be "What? $3.90 for fried taiwanese chicken pieces? sigh...ill pass")

Hell, I can even buy little surprise gifts for hubby!
In the past a gift for him didnt feel like it was a real gift cos i was using his money to buy it!

But i wonder if im working too hard and spending too much time away from the kids.
After all i did quit my job to be a stay at home mum in order to spend time with the kids.

My typical day goes as follows:


Morning

Chauffeur the kids to enrichment classes/school. Thane attends classes at 9am so if Terelle is awake by the time we need to leave the house, I will get her changed and ready for school and take her along for a spot of breakfast as our helper accompanies Thane in class.
After he is done with class, i will send Terelle off to school.


(On a sidenote, I lament the fact that i seldom am able to accompany Thane in his classes because if Terelle is around, she always demands my attention and refuses to have breakfast with our helper and let me go to class with Thane.

Yes we do have a good time bonding over breakfast, as we read storybooks, do a couple of activity books and draw funny pictures together.

But i get this niggling sense of guilt that Thane seldom has mummy's undivided attention, unlike Jie Jie in the past, who had mummy all to herself.

Terelle went everywhere with me, literally. Even when i had to give tuition, i would bring her along and she would play with my student's siblings with nary a complaint.

Sigh the pitfalls of being the 2nd child...)



Midday

After Terelle is off at school, ill take Thane home, put him to sleep and rush to the gym for an hour's workout, ending just in time for me to go pick her up from school.
Sometimes if any of my students are home early from school, ill schedule tuition during this time so that i can be home for a longer stretch in the afternoon.



Afternoon
After showering Terelle and giving her a snack, ill put her down to nap, wolf down my lunch and rush out for tuition. Usually ill have at least 2 sessions a day and ill only return at evening time. This means that after their nap, Terelle would have spent about 2 hrs playing with our helper while Thane would have spent at least 4 hrs.



Evening
Ill have dinner with the kids and after playing with them for about an hour, its time to start the bedtime routines.


Im concerned because lately, Thane has been clinging to me like a limpet each time i return home. If im occupied and cannot tend to him immediately, he cries inconsolably and keeps saying "I want mummy!"


Terelle has also commented that she seldom sees me at home anymore. And sometimes whenever she is excited about something and wants me to share her excitement, she calls me "Aunty!" and then "Mummy!" *horrors*

Is my working 4 hours a day too much for my kids? Cant i have my cake and eat it too?

Sigh...


I still want my stay at home mum status to be a badge of honor and not become a subject of contention.
And so i shall cringe and turn away yet more lucarative assignments because after all, my kids are still my top priority.

Who? What? Why? When? How?

Thane is getting prolific at questioning us. His line of questioning is spot on in context and he always leaves us flabbergasted at his creativity.


Scenario: His diaper has burst and his shorts are all wet. Our helper tells him that he has to take a bath right now. However, they are not at home but at my mum in law's house.

Helper: Baby you need to bom bom now. Your diaper burst.

Thane: *Looks at her incredulously* Here?

Helper: *Amused* Yes!

Thane: How?

(As in this is not our house, where in the world can I bom bom?)



Scenario: Passerby couple quarrelling. We overhear guy telling girl to keep quiet and that he doesnt care about her anymore.

Thane turns to his Gong Gong and with a puzzled look on his face, asks, " Why?"

Gong Gong: I dont know...I have no idea...

Thane: Then how?

*Gong Gong is gobsmacked*



Scenario: Thane is singing at the top of his voice and totally massacring the song. Terelle is trying to sing the same song properly but cant because she is distracted by him.

Terelle: Keep quiet baby!! KEEP QUIET! You must SING PROPERLY!!!!

Thane: *with a mocking smirk* Why?

Toilet Humor

For reasons unbeknownst to me, children absolutely love words associated with waste material. Toilet humor cracks them up to the point that tears stream from their eyes and they are almost rolling on the floor shrieking with laughter.

Terelle bombards me with a barrage of toilet humor every single day.

She changes the words of the nursery rhymes that i try to sing to thane.


"Old Macdonald had a POOT POOT, E-I-E-I-O

And on his farm he had some SHEE SHEE, E-I-E-I-O! Wahahahhahah!"


When we play make believe with her soft toys, she names them POOT POOT, SHEE SHEE or UNDERPANTS, all the while howling with laughter.

If any of the above words so happen to feature in our conversations, she latches onto them immediately and says them over and over again, giggling non stop.

And whenever i fetch her from school, i always find her holding court with her subjects in rapt attention as she spews words such as "CHICKEN UNDERPANTS!", "POO POO POOEY!", SHEE SHEEEEEEEEEE!"
And everyone will burst out laughing hysterically.

Charming...

Mafia antics again

I drove up to the pick up point where all the kids would be waiting for their parents to fetch them.

She was nowhere to be found.

Two other mummies couldnt locate their kids too so the teachers freed up an area for us to park our cars.

I found Terelle in the playground, together with the two missing girls, She was holding court with a rapt audience, commanding everyone to watch as she gleefully dripped water from her wet hanky over her head.

Her uniform was drenched with sweat, her cheeks were flushed from mischief and exertion and her hair was soaking wet.
Her friends were in stitches. She was encouraged by their boisterous cheers.

I caught hold of her just as she was about to scoot off to the basin to get more water to pour over her head.

I let fly vitriol, she was unfazed.
I demanded to know who did she follow to the playground, she looked guilty.

So she was the one who instigated everyone to run off to the playground instead of waiting at the pick up point!
They must have snuck off when the teachers in charge at the pick up point weren't looking, cos it can get pretty chaotic during dismissal time.

Just at that moment, 2 teachers came down and started to ask the children to identify who ran off to the playground first.
Fortunately for her, one of her friends pointed the finger at another girl who was totally indignant at the accusation.
The teacher was really furious and gave all the perpetrators a good tongue lashing.

The ring leader was still totally unrepentant until i sat her down in the car and told her in all seriousness that if she were to do that again, Mummy would not be able to find her and take her home. Then she would have to spend the night ALL ALONE in the dark dark school.

Her eyes watered, she looked genuinely petrified.
"I promise i will wait for you at the pick up point, Mummy. I wont run away again."

Score!

However, just barely a minute later,
"But can i ask my friends to play catching with me at the pick up point?"

Ugh...a leopard can never change its spots...

If tomorrow never comes

Sometimes late at night

I lie awake and watch her sleeping

She's lost in peaceful dreams and i turn out the lights and lay there in the dark

And a thought crosses my mind

If i never wake in the morning

Would she ever doubt the way i feel about her in my heart



If tomorrow never comes

Would she know how much i love her

Did i try in every way to show her everyday

She's my only one

And if my time on earth were through

And she must face this world without me

Is the love i gave her in the past gonna be enough to last

If tomorrow never comes


My best friend made me watch a youtube video of a talented singer crooning this ballad today. This song never fails to leave me with a lump in my throat.

And even though you have made me so incensed yet again throughout the day, with your constant whining, refusal to obey instructions and general mischief, tonight i will hug you a little tighter, give you a few more kisses and vow to be more tolerant, patient and indulgent towards your antics tomorrow.

To my special firstborn, i hope you know that no matter what, Mummy loves you, more than you can ever imagine.

Toxicity

These feelings are usually easy to write it off but today not so much.

I just HAVE to write about what happened today cos im just sooooo pissed, and i need to get it off my chest.

Are you a happy, optimistic, positive person by nature but when you're around a certain individual, you feel depressed, pessimistic and negative?

Or maybe you're an idealistic person who sees the world through rose tinted glasses, but some people just make you feel silly and delusional?

Has someone consistenly thrashed all your well intentions, not spared a thought for your feelings and yet leave you feeling guilty that somehow you hadnt tried hard enough?

These people ooze toxicity.
These people have 'issues' that are toxic.
They are toxic to our happiness.
They are toxic to our mental health.
They are toxic to our self-esteem.
And they are toxic to our lives.
They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

I know this is happening to me because of a certain someone and yet i am powerless to defend myself.

My certain someone has an extreme sense of self-importance and believes that the world revolves around him/her.
(I shant be so overt about this. Lets just call the person X for ease of writing.)
Many a time the people around X want to shout "It isn't always about you!" , yet we always bite our tongues and get on with it to avoid conflict.

X is so utterly focused on his/her needs, our needs are totally ignored.
If you do not do just as X wishes, you are in for a big guilt trip, and are often left feeling upset, disappointed and unfulfilled.
And so to avoid feeling like crap, you abide by X's commands even when you have to expend so much energy on him/her, you have nothing left for yourself.

X is never encouraging, affirmative or upbeat.
When you say you've tried your best, he/she doubts your efforts and belittles any struggles you had to go through for him/her.
His/her negativity is infectious. It consumes you and you find yourself feeling melancholic and depressed just cos he/she is feeling that way.

I can never give enough to make X happy.
He/she takes me for granted, always has unrealistic expectations of me, finds ways to continually fault me and never takes responsibility for anything.
Everything is always someone else's fault and never his/hers.

All of us spend so much time and effort trying to please him/her .
Why do we even bother when none of our efforts are ever appreciated?
All of us are worn out, our own needs are always sacrificed and yet we keep making the same mistake and going back for more "torture".

This person is so self absorbed, he/she doesnt see that what he/she is doing is wrong.
Talking and explaining my actions to him/her falls on deaf ears, and sometimes i wonder if i am the crazy one.

Hubby is at his wits' end seeing me get all worked up by X all the time. He stresses that the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue.
I know that but yet i cant bring myself to take a confrontation to cataclysmic levels because i am afraid of the consequences.

I know life is too short to be dealing with such toxicity all the time.
I must learn to turn a deaf ear and blind eye to this peson's rants and demands.
I must learn that ive tried my best and it is not my fault.
And i must learn to hide my chocolates properly.

The big 20

Thane turns 20 months old today.

Physically he can:


Chew chunky food! Yay finally! He has almost his entire set of baby teeth, save for his 2 lower incisors.

Hold his own in the water. He is fearless in the water which is sooooo unlike Terelle who used to scream murder whenever her face got wet.

Throw and catch a ball effortlessly.

Play catching with his sister.

Climb the stairs by himself, holding onto the railings at the side.
(But he never dares go up or down the stairs by himself. He used to attempt to, but each time he does, he would meet with a barrage of loud, sharp words. So i think he's learnt that the stairs are dangerous.)

Blow out through his mouth. A nifty developmental skill that Terelle only picked up later.

Copy a couple of dance moves. The kids are especially adept at dancing along to Michael Jackson MTVS. They have been well and truly exposed to the late King of Pop.

When they are not fighting, he loves imitating his sister. Here he is trailing along in her wake, whistling, marching and saluting just like her.

Intellectually he can:


Recognize all the uppercase letters of the alphabets. Lower case letters still need a little prompting.

Knows the sounds of all the letters of the alphabet.
(Thanks to Leapfrog's Talking Letter Factory DVD)

Can count items from 1-10, any more his counting goes wonky.

Can segregate different sections of a picture, i.e. for example the beach scene below, he has colored the sun yellow, the crab and starfish red, the trees green, the sea blue, but all of cos not inside the lines.
But i think its a great effort!

Verbally he can:

Indicate what he wants by saying "I want!" whenever we have something in hand that he likes.

Right now gastronomically, he is starting to be very adventurous and will go "I want!" and insist on trying whatever we are having at mealtimes.
He has even managed small nibbles of mee rebus and rendang without flinching.

Tell our helper whenever he wants to drink milk - "Drink Milk!".
(Oh ive started him on formula - NanPro3 cos its supposedly most similar to breastmilk)
However he hates sucking from the teat, preferring to drink from his water bottle, from a straw.

Repeat after us quite accurately. I remember just a little over 2mths ago, i was asking hubby how come he hasnt started to say any coherent words yet and now here he is, talking fast and furious!

Say "Go Gai Gai!", grab his shoes and go stand by the gate at least once a day. He simply loves to go out!

Sing along to all of Jie Jie's favourite songs. Rhythm is there but words not so clear. For those songs he's not so sure of, he can sing the last word of each verse.


Emotionally:


He's still very much mama's little baby. Loves to be cuddled and hugged and will hug, kiss, sayang any of us when asked.
Much more "manja" than Terelle ever was!
I think its all because im still breastfeeding him.

Clings to us, or more specifically me, like superglue whenever in a new place and faced with strangers. Will warm up and start to explore his surroundings after awhile. The period of time taken to warm up significantly shortens when i am not in sight.
Did i mention he's mama's little boy?


He is adding new antics to his ever expanding repertoir everyday and i am eager to see what he can achieve next!
Im so proud of you baby!

Sibling Interaction at its best

Scenario: They are both watching starfall. The letter L, which is Terelle's choice, is currently being played but Thane wants to watch the letter N.

Thane: N!

Terelle: Later

Thane: Nnn!

Terelle: Later!

Thane: Nnnnn!

Terelle: LATER!!

Thane: Nnnnn!! (He is so getting a kick out of riling his sister up)

Terelle: LATER!!! Can you hurry up! (Referring to the website loading very slowly)

Thane: Nnnnnn!

Terelle: Can you hurry up and see!!! (Telling Thane to finish watching L 1st) WAIT PATIENTLY!!

* Thane smacks her lightly in retaliation to her pinching his cheeks*

Terelle: (Looking at me and expecting a response)

*Resigned and feeling unjustified* He beat me!

*Reproachful* Naughty boy! Dont play with you!

No matter how many times i watch this video, it still leaves me in stitches.

Gong Gong is...

We were in the car and Terelle was commenting that Baby was a good boy cos he didnt want to nurse for once and sat quietly in his car seat.

T: Baby is a good boy!

Me: And what about you?

T: Me? Im a good girl

M: And mummy?

T: Mummy is a good girl

M: Daddy?

T: Daddy is a good boy

M: What about YiYi?

T: Yiyi is a good girl

M: And Gong Gong?

T: *slight pause* Gong Gong is a good old man!

Current fav pics

These are my current favourite pics of the sibs.

Taken at Ikea, he was trying out a kiddy rattan chair. When asked to smile, he gave a wonky little smirk. He looks so grown up now!

Terelle is now fixated on using chopsticks. Here she is having noodles and using her training pair. I know im biased, but with her coy smile, she looks oh so sweet!